Épisode Seul dans le noir S03E19 - Desperate Housewives Saison 3

Mary Alice: "It was late on a Tuesday night when the power went out all over Fairview. For most of the residents, it was a minor inconvenience. But for those with secrets, the darkness proved quite useful indeed. Millie Russell was able to indulge in another night of midnight binging. Timmy Cooper was able to sneak another peek at his father's adult magazines. Marilyn Quinn was able to steal a few more puffs of her forbidden tobacco. But these secrets paled compared to the one a certain old woman was hiding in her basement."

Mrs. McCluskey walks down the steps of her basement while talking on her portable phone

Mrs. McCluskey: "You sit tight, Ida. I got batteries here. No, I keep them in the freezer for just such an emergency

She opens her freezer to take out the batteries. Her frozen dead husband is still there

Mrs. McCluskey: "I'll run 'em over to you. By the way, you wouldn't happen to have any extra ice laying around, would ya? No, I've just got some stuff in my freezer I don't want thawing out anytime soon."

Mary Alice: "Yes, as a rule, darkness helps us keep our secrets safely hidden."

Mrs. McCluskey stumbles and falls down the stairs

Mrs. McCluskey: "Oh, crap! "

Mary Alice: "But every rule. . ."

The fallen phone lies near Mrs. McCluskey's unconscious body. Ida's voice comes through the speaker

Ida: "Karen, what's happened? Are you okay?"

Mary Alice: "...has its exceptions."

Mary Alice: "When the lights went out on Wisteria Lane, Karen McCluskey wasn't the only resident left in the dark. Everyone else felt the pain of going without power as well."

SUSAN'S HOUSE

Susan is rooting through her kitchen drawers. Ian is sitting at the table

Susan: "Ow! Damn! Thumbtack! "

Ian: "Susan, please let me help."

Susan: "No, no, I got it. Oh, wait. Here we go."

She finds a box of matches and lights one, using its light to help her continue to search through the drawers

Ian: "But it's hardly a long-term solution."

Susan: "Well, at least it'll keep me from stabbing myself while I look."

Ian: "But this is silly. Why don't we just borrow a flashlight from Mike?"

Susan: "Mike?"

Ian: "He's a plumber. He's bound to have a spare."

Susan: "Sure, but we can't keep leaning on him for everything."Mike, we're drowning. Save us." "Mike, it's dark. Give us a flashlight." Let's go ask Gaby."

Ian: "Actually, I wanted to talk to him anyway. I thought we might ask him over for dinner."

Susan: "Dinner?"

Ian: "You know, as a, as a thank you gesture."

Susan: "Well, Ian, you've tasted my cooking. It's not a thank you. It's revenge."

Ian: "Well, then I'll cook. You know, you told me I should put my jealousy behind me. I think breaking bread together would be a great start."

Susan: "Well, let's not bother him tonight. You know, I don't really even need a flashlight. My eyes have totally adjusted to the dark."

She moves her arm and knocks over something made of glass, which crashes onto the floor

Ian: "What was that?"

Susan: "Don't walk in the kitchen. Anyway, where is your sense of romance? It's a blackout. You have a defenseless lady. Getting any ideas?"

Ian: "Well, I-I-I'm starting to, yes. It's funny. All that time I wasted worrying Mike would come between us--it seems so laughable now, doesn't it?"

Susan: "Kiss me."

MIKE'S HOUSE

Mike walks down the hallway to where Carlos sleeps

Hey, Carlos, we had a blackout. You need a flashlight? Carlos, you okay?

He opens up Carlos's door. Carlos is sitting up in bed, naked from the waist down, the covers pulled up over his waist. Edie stands in her lingerie, hiding behind the door that Mike has open

Mike: "Oh, uh, sorry, man. I thought I heard a thud."

Carlos: "I just, um, bumped into a chair. I didn't think that you were coming home till tomorrow."

Mike: "Nah, fish weren't bitin'. So, uh...you got a girl in here?"

Carlos: "No. Why?"

Mike: "Oh, 'cause when I came home, I thought I heard sex noises."

Carlos: "No, that was just me."

Mike: "Okay. Night."

He leaves. Edie walks toward Carlos

Carlos: "Oh, god, that was close."

Edie: "All this sneaking around is ridiculous! Mike and I dated for five minutes. He's not gonna care."

Carlos: "What if Travers finds out? Look, I don't want him to be confused, and until we figure out where this is going, I just think we should keep things on the down low."

Edie starts getting dressed

Carlos: "Hey, I didn't say we had to stop. I just said we had to keep quiet. What?"

Edie: "I suppose we should tiptoe around like schoolchildren so our parents don't catch us doing it? I feel like I'm twelve again."

Carlos: "I'm just saying, I don't think that the whole world needs to know our...twelve?"

Edie: "Okay, look...I will find us another place to rendezvous. But I'm not gonna skulk around forever."

Carlos: "And no one's asking you to. I respect you too much for that."

Edie starts to go out the door. Carlos stops her and gestures toward the window

Carlos: "If you don't mind. . ."

Edie: "Oh, for god sake. . ."

She climbs out the window

SCAVO RESTAURANT

Lynette lights a candle and sets it down at one of the tables with two customers

Lynette: "I'm gonna be right there. Here you go."

Male Customer: "So can you still cook with the power out?"

Lynette: "Of course! Absolutely! "

She heads back to the kitchen, where Rick is

Lynette: "Please, please, tell me we can still make pizza."

Rick: "No dice. Some genius installed pizza ovens with electric starters."

Lynette: "Oh, this is awful. On a good night, we barely break even. Tonight is gonna kill the whole week."

Rick: "Not necessarily. The stovetop's gas. I bought pasta for the staff dinner. You give me ten minutes, I'll whip up a spaghetti carbonara that'll knock their socks off."

Lynette: "Oh, my god! You are a lifesaver! "

Rick: "And, uh, since it's not on the menu, you can charge whatever you want--say, twenty bucks?"

Lynette: "For pasta? Are you crazy?"

Rick: "Won't hurt to ask."

Lynette: "Oh, I don't wanna scare them away."

Rick: "Okay."

Lynette: "Okay."

Lynette heads back over to the couple at the table

Lynette: "So...good news! Our chef is preparing his special spaghetti carbonara."

Female Customer: "Ooh, yummy! "

Lynette: "And we're offering that for twelve dollars."

Male Customer: "Great! "

Lynette: "For the appetizer portion. The entrée is twenty."

Male Customer: "Fine."

Lynette: "Two. Twenty-two. Two."

Male Customer: "Okay."

ELEVATOR

Gabrielle and Victor are stuck in an elevator in complete darkness

Gabrielle: "Shouldn't there be an emergency light? Sometimes in these elevators there's a. . ."

Victor: "Ta-da! "

Victor opens a small door in the elevator and a strong light from inside comes on

Gabrielle: "Well, aren't you clever?"

Victor: "I'll just call hotel security and let 'em know we're--"

Gabrielle: "No, wait! This is the first time I've had you to myself all night."

Victor: "I'm sorry. It's those fund-raisers. Everybody wants a piece of the candidate. What are you doing?"

Gabrielle: "Taking my piece."

She begins undressing him

Victor: "Are you insane? We're in an elevator."

Gabrielle: "Exactly. Going down. . ."

Victor: "No! Come on. Cut it out. The power could come on at any moment."

Gabrielle: "I know. That's what makes it so exciting--the risk."

Victor: "But, uh, I-I'm kind of running for mayor here, remember?"

Gabrielle: "It's an elevator, silly. It has an emergency stop button. I don't."

She closes the door of the light and the elevator plunges back into darkness

Gabrielle: "Oh, my god, that's amazing! What are you doing?"

Victor: "That's my phone. It's on vibrate."

Gabrielle: "Oh, god! "

The power suddenly comes back on revealing Victor and Gabrielle in a compromising position, clothes half off

Gabrielle: "Oh, man, I was just starting to get into it."

Victor: "Less talking, more dressing."

A few minutes later, their elevator door opens and two firefighters are standing there

Firefighter: "You two okay?"

Victor: "Yeah, fine, thanks."

Firefighter: "Must've gotten pretty hot in there."

Gabrielle: "You have no idea."

Victor and Gabrielle leave and the firefighters get on the elevator. In the corner ceiling of the elevator, a security camera's red light silently blinks, indicating it's recording

OUTSIDE MRS. MCCLUSKEY'S HOUSE

Mrs. McCluskey is on a stretcher, being wheeled down the sidewalk by paramedics

Ida: "Karen, don't worry about a thing. I'll collect your mail till you get back."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Well, how long's this blackout supposed to last?"

Ida: "Well, they say it may last for days."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Days?! Uh...hey, blondie, come here. Come here."

A paramedic comes over

Mrs. McCluskey: "Hey, listen, I don't really need to go to the hospital. I'm fine."

Paramedic: "You fractured a rib, and you might have a concussion. You need looking after."

Mrs. McCluskey: "No, some of the stuff in my freezer might melt. How about I just run out and get some ice and then meet you at the hospital?"

Paramedic: "Ma'am, you can replace groceries."

Mrs. McCluskey: "You don't understand. Some of my groceries-- they-- they have sentimental value."

Paramedic: "Sorry."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Yeah, well, I don't need to ask your permission."

She starts to get up and the paramedic pushes her back down

Paramedic: "Ma'am, no! "

Mrs. McCluskey: "Get your hands off me, you big ape! "

Paramedic: "Get the restraints."

Mrs. McCluskey: "I'm gonna sue your ass! "

The power suddenly comes back on. Mrs. McCluskey stops struggling

Mrs. McCluskey: "Hey! Well, what are we waiting for? Get me to the hospital. I'm not a well woman."

The paramedic walks over to where Ida is standing

Ida: "What was that all about?"

Paramedic: "Your friend's afraid the stuff in her freezer is gonna spoil."

Ida: "Oh, well, thank god the power's back on. Now she won't have to worry."

In Mrs. McCluskey's basement, a fuse blows and the freezer suddenly loses power again

VICTOR'S HOUSE

Victor is reading the newspaper at breakfast. Gabrielle walks in carrying two plates of waffles

Gabrielle: "I made you waffles! Eat 'em while they're hot. What?"

Victor: "Will you marry me?"

Gabrielle: "They're just toaster waffles."

Victor: "Ah, that was just the pre-proposal, actually. The real one will be much more romantic with a big diamond the size of a doorknob. But just so you're prepared, I do wanna marry you."

Gabrielle: "Well, just so you're prepared, consider this my pre-refusal."

Victor: "Come on. What's wrong? You're wearing my shirts. You burn my breakfast. You're here every night. It's like we're married already."

Gabrielle: "We're having a good time. Why risk ruining it?"

Victor: "See, what happened to the thrill seeker that seduced me in the elevator? She wouldn't be afraid of taking a little risk."

Gabrielle: "Oh, you don't wanna marry her. She's a tramp. Hold out for a good girl."

Victor: "No, no, no. I've found what I'm looking for. Come on. What gives?"

Gabrielle: "Look, Victor...getting divorced really kicked my ass. I'm sorry. Just...next time I get married, I've gotta be sure."

Victor: "Okay, I get it. I just wish there was a way I could prove how much I love and adore you."

Gabrielle: "Well, if you can choke down that lousy waffle I made you, that'd be a start."

He folds the waffle in half, then starts stuffing it in his mouth. Gabrielle laughs

OUTSIDE SUSAN'S HOUSE

Ian and Susan are taking groceries out of her car. Ian looks across the street to where Mike is watering his front yard with a hose

Ian: "Oh, there's Mike. Should we see if he's free Friday night?"

Susan: "Yeah. Yeah, why not? Sure. You know what? Do you wanna run this ice cream side before it melts?"

Ian takes the bag Susan gives him and goes inside. Susan runs over to Mike's

Susan: "Look, Ian is going to come invite you to dinner friday, and you are not--I repeat--not going to accept."

Mike: "Why is Ian inviting me to dinner?"

Susan: "He wants to thank you for saving us, and he wants to show that he's not jealous of you. How's that for irony?"

Mike: "I didn't plan to kiss you, but you didn't exactly resist."

Susan: "I was in shock."

Mike: "Why were you so upset when you mentioned Ian?"

Susan: "Because we had just had a fight...about you."

Mike: "Really? You talk about me a lot?"

Susan: "Mike, I am marrying Ian. We have hired a caterer. We are going with the salmon, so just back off! "

Ian walks up to them

Mike: "Hey, Ian."

Susan: "Hi, Ian. I just asked Mike. He can't make it."

Mike: "Yeah, I'm sorry. I've got plans tonight."

Ian: "Oh, but didn't we say friday?"

Mike: "Friday? Oh, Friday I'm wide open."

Ian: "Splendid! Shall we say seven thirty?"

Mike: "It's a date."

Ian and Susan walk away. Susan turns around to glare at Mike, who waves and smiles at her

MRS. EPSTEIN'S HOUSE

Carlos and Edie walk up to Mrs. Epstein's house. She comes out the front door and hands Edie her keys

Mrs. Epstein: "Edie! "

Edie: "Mrs. Epstein! "

Mrs. Epstein: "Listen, I'm late for my Hadassah meeting. Here's the key. Take your time. Oh, and don't be shy. Check out those closets. They're very spacious."

She leaves and Carlos and Edie go inside the house

Carlos: "Edie, what are we doing here?"

Edie: "Checking out a house."

Carlos: "I told you, I'm not looking to buy right now."

Edie: "Well, who's talking about buying anything? I...am giving it away."

Carlos: "Edie, we cannot have sex in here. It's someone else's bed! That's just wrong! "

Edie: "Look, we can't use my place. We can't use yours. But I'll be damned if I am gonna pay for a hotel room when there are all of these empty houses all over town that I have the keys to."

Mary Alice: "Though reluctant at first, Carlos soon saw the wisdom in Edie's plan. Secret affairs are a lot like real estate. The three keys to success are location...location...location."

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

The kids are seated around the table and Lynette helps Tom sit down

Tom: "Careful. I can't sit down that fast."

Lynette: "Sorry. I'm sorry. But it's gonna be worth it. Okay, so tell Tom the secret of your risotto."

Rick: "Well, I saute spinach and onions in white wine--"

Lynette: "No, no, the profit margin."

Rick: "Uh, basically, it costs a dollar to make--"

Lynette: "And we charge twenty dollars! Four people who would've shared a fifteen dollar pizza are now spending eighty bucks. Okay, kids, dig in! "

Tom: "There's just one little problem with that, Lynette."

Lynette: "Yeah?"

Tom: "Those families you're talking about have kids, and there's no kid that's gonna eat anything with spinach in it."

Lynette: "Um, Tom. . ."

She gestures to the kids, who are eating the risotto

Lynette: "It's delicious, huh?"

Kids: "Mm-hmm! Oh, yeah! "

Lynette: "Yeah? Rick learned how to make this in italy. Go ahead. Try it. I wanna see what you think."

Tom: "It's good."

Porter: "It's awesome! "

Tom: "It's good."

Lynette: "But?"

Tom: "But it's just not us."

Lynette: "Us? What is us?"

Tom: "Look, we're a neighborhood pizza place. We serve pizza."

Porter: "I like this better. I'm getting bored of pizza."

Tom: "Porter, the adults are talking. Look, we serve good food at good prices. We're not looking to be the next, you know, trendy flash in the pan."

Rick: "That's--that's not what I'm looking for either. Um, see, my food-- it's not trendy. It's classic."

Tom: "Rick...obviously you're a great cook, and when you have your own place, I will definitely eat there, but I see no reason to change my menu."

Next to Tom, Penny pushes her plate forward

Penny: "More, please! "

VICTOR'S HOUSE

A guy in his twenties knocks on Victor's front door. Gabrielle answers it

Gabrielle: "Hi! Can I help you?"

Guy: "Uh, yeah, I'm here to see Mr. Lang."

Gabrielle: "He's not here. Is that for him?"

Guy: "Yeah. But it's very personal."

Gabrielle: "Okay."

Guy: "I don't think I should leave it with the maid."

Gabrielle: "Do I look like the maid? Give me that! "

She grabs the envelope from him and closes the door. Once she's alone, she opens the envelope. Inside are black-and-white photographs of Victor and Gabrielle, half-dressed in the elevator. With the pictures is a note that reads: "Victor Lang if you want the negatives, I demand $50,000! Do not call the police! I will contact you! "

Gabrielle rushes outside to where the guy is still walking down the sidewalk

Gabrielle: "You! Blackmailer! "

Guy: "Oh, man, you weren't supposed to look! "

He begins to run and she chases after him. She catches up to him and jumps on his back. He falls to the ground and she grabs his hair and begins twisting his arm

Guy: "Get off of me! Ow! "

Gabrielle: "No! Fifty thousand dollars? Are you insane?! "

Guy: "No, that's not for you to decide! "

Gabrielle: "I want all the negatives of those photos, or I start breaking fingers! "

Guy: "No, you can't break my fingers! Come on! Aah! "

Gabrielle: "Give me the pictures! "

A cop car drives by, sees them, and heads in their direction. The cops pull Gabrielle off the guy

Cop: "Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, break it up! Break it up! Come on! Come on! "

Guy: "She's crazy! She's crazy! "

She kicks him

Gabrielle: "That's for calling me a maid! "

Later, the guy is arrested and Gabrielle is talking with the cop

Cop: "He works the hotel security monitors. That's how he got the photos."

Gabrielle: "That miserable cockroach. Well, if you wanna smack him around a little, I can go inside and turn up the radio."

Cop: "Again, no, thank you, but I will need those photos."

Gabrielle: "Oh, no, no, I'm gonna hang on to these. They're a little revealing."

Cop: "Ma'am, we can't charge him without evidence, and if he walks, he can do what he wants with the originals."

Gabrielle: "Okay...yeah. But guard them with your life. Yeah, especially that one."

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

The three boys are outside. Tom and Lynette are inside, arguing loudly

Lynette: "We've been open for three months now, and we've barely turned a profit! "

Tom: "We are building a customer base! That takes time! "

Parker tosses the basketball he's holding to Preston. Preston tosses it back

Parker: "Go on, ask her."

Preston: "No, you ask her! "

Inside the house, Lynette and Tom are still arguing

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

"And you would rather see the restaurant fail than succeed with Rick's idea! "

"And I can't believe that you two are ready to toss out my concept! You know, why don't you just rename the restaurant "Lynette and Rick's"?"

Parker walks inside

Parker: "Can we have fudgsicles?"

Tom and Lynette: "No! "

Parker leaves

Tom: "Sorry, Lynette, but the menu is not changing. End of discussion."

Lynette: "I don't think so. I'm giving it a try."

Tom: "That's not your decision to make."

Lynette: "Yeah? Well, then why don't you come down to the restaurant and stop me? Oh, that's right. You can't."

Outside, Parker goes back up to the twins

Parker: "I told you she'd say no."

Preston: "Mrs. McCluskey always has some fudgsicles."

Porter: "Yeah, but she's in the hospital."

They turn to look at Mrs. McCluskey's house and they all smile. Later, Parker climbs into Mrs. McCluskey's basement through an open window and goes over to the freezer. He opens it, pulls out the box of fudgsicles and takes one out. It's completely soft and it bends in his hands. He puts it back and then sees the dead body in there. His eyes open wide. A few minutes later, he leaves the house via the front door. The twins run up to him

Porter: "Where's the ice cream?"

Parker: "She didn't have any."

Porter: "Oh, man! There wasn't anything good in there?"

Parker: "No."

The twins go back to the house. For a few minutes, Parker stands alone on Mrs. McCluskey's lawn, eyes still wide

VICTOR'S HOUSE

Victor's press agent, Jerome, is looking at a newspaper with a headline that reads "Lang sexcapade caught on tape! "

Jerome: "What the hell were you thinking?"

Gabrielle: "How was I supposed to know the cops were gonna release the photos to the press?"

Jerome: "Everybody in town knows the police chief is the mayor's brother-in-law--everyone! "

Victor: "Enough, Jerome! I want you to organize a press conference, and then I want you to help me prep for it."

Jerome: "Well, this is gonna be a bloodbath. I don't know how you're gonna prep."

Victor: "Just get me a bucket of piranhas, and I'll stick my head in it."

Jerome leaves

Gabrielle: "You know, you're a single guy. Maybe people won't care."

Victor: "I'm running a family values campaign, and I had sex in an elevator. I think they will care."

Gabrielle: "Look, I know this is my fault, so if you wanna bite my head off, go ahead."

Victor: "You know, Gaby, there are only two things that matter to me these days-- my campaign and you. And if I had to lose one of them, I'd rather it was the campaign."

Gabrielle: "Is there anything I can do?"

Victor: "Uh, yeah, you can stick around on election night. I have a feeling I'm gonna need some serious consoling."

SUSAN'S HOUSE

Susan tries some food from a platter that the caterer, Maggie, has put out for her

Susan: "Mmm! God, that is so good!"

Maggie: "I know. It's hard to decide, huh?"

Susan: "No. No, I'm gonna go with the crab cakes and the little quesadillas. Well, all we need is a wedding cake, and we're done."

Maggie: "You are the most decisive bride I've ever met."

Susan: "I just guess I'm in a rush."

Maggie: "Oh? Oh, gotcha. Well, don't worry. You are not showing at all."

Susan: "Oh, no, no, no. No, I'm not pregnant. No, I just know know what I want, which is Ian. So I'm just eager to you know, no- not get it over with, per se, but just to get to the good part, which is the marriage to Ian."

Maggie: "Seems like a great guy. I don't suppose he has a brother."

Susan: "Oh, so you're not seeing anyone?"

Maggie: "No, I'm between disappointments."

Susan: "Well, are you free for dinner tomorrow?"

Maggie: "Is this some lame setup? Please say yes."

Susan: "Well, there's this guy coming to dinner, and he is single and handsome and charming and..."

Maggie: "You had me at 'guy.' So how do you know him?"

Susan: "Oh, uh...he's just a neighbor."

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

Parker opens up the freezer and stands there, looking inside

Lynette: "Hey, buddy, whatcha doing?"

Parker: "Nothing."

Lynette: "You seem a little mopey lately. Is everything okay?"

Parker: "Yeah. Can we go see Mrs. McCluskey?"

HOSPITAL

Lynette and Parker are visiting Mrs. McCluskey in the hospital

Mrs. McCluskey: "You guys didn't have to come down here. No matter what that CAT scan says, I'm breaking out tomorrow."

Lynette: "Well, Parker really wanted to come visit you. I'm gonna put a little water in these."

She leaves with a vase of flowers

Mrs. McCluskey: "Don't tell your brothers. you were always my favorite."

Parker: "I saw the man in your freezer."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Lynette!"

Lynette: "Yeah?"

Lynette comes back in the room

Mrs. McCluskey: "Lynette! Could you run down to the snack bar and get me some green Jell-O?"

Lynette: "Oh, sure!"

She leaves

Mrs. McCluskey: "Okay, time for a little grown-up talk."

She pats the bed and Parker sits down on it. A few minutes later, Lynette comes back and before opening the door, looks inside. She smiles as she sees Mrs. McCluskey and Parker having what appears to be a friendly conversation

Mrs. McCluskey: "So can you understand now why I had to do what I did? And how you can never tell anyone, not even your mom?"

Lynette comes in

Lynette: "Hey, they didn't have Jell-O, so I hope pudding is okay."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Uh...yeah, let's--let's give it to Parker. A good boy like him deserves a treat."

HOUSE

Carlos and Edie are lying in a bed in an empty house. Edie cuddles up to Carlos

Edie: "What are you thinking about?"

Carlos: "Just...this room doesn't really work. It's just too sterile. Can we go back to that spanish colonial on third?"

Edie: "Sure. Fine. You know what i was thinking? I'm really happy, and I haven't felt this happy in a long time. How about you? Are you happy?"

A male real estate agent walks into the room with customers about to follow him in

Russell: "Oh, my god! Oops, sorry. Bed's not made."

He closes the door and turns to Edie and Carlos

Edie: "Russell!"

Russell: "Why don't you check out the subzero in the kitchen?"

Edie: "Russell!"

Russell: "It's to die. Well, I see you can't close a sale without opening something else."

Edie: "Oh, please, I heard about your open house on holly drive. They're still disinfecting the jacuzzi."

Russell: "Slut."

Edie: "Bitch."

Russell leaves. Edie and Carlos get out of bed and begin getting dressed

Carlos: "You think he's gonna tell anyone?"

Edie: "He's a gay realtor. He's speed-dialing as we speak."

Carlos: "Then go stop him."

Edie: "What's the big deal? Who cares if people find out?"

Carlos: "I do."

Edie: "Why? Are you embarrassed to be dating me?"

Carlos: "No! It's...you know, if Gaby finds out, she's gonna hit the ceiling."

Edie: "Oh, why would she care? She's dating that Victor guy."

Carlos: "Please, that's not gonna last."

Edie: "Oh, my god. You're still in love with her."

Carlos: "No, I just...look, I mean, we've been getting along, and don't wanna..."

Edie: "I don't know who the bigger moron is--you or me."

Carlos: "Hey, don't be like this. Look, we're having fun, right?"

Edie: "Apparently that's all we're having."

Carlos: "Edie, come on!"

Edie: "No, fun's over."

She leaves

SUSAN'S HOUSE

Ian lets Mike into the house

Ian: "Ah, Mike. Thanks for coming."

Mike: "Thanks for asking me."

Mike gives Ian a hug

Mike: "Susan."

Mike holds open his arms and Susan has no choice but to hug him

Susan: "Hi. Um, Mike, I want you to meet Maggie Gilroy."

Maggie walks into the room. Later, Mike follows Susan into the living room

Mike: "I don't believe this. You're setting me up?"

Susan: "You need to move on, okay?"

Mike: "I don't wanna move on. I came here to see you."

Susan: "Well, I'm not available, so if you feel like kissing someone tonight, point those lips at Maggie."

Ian and Maggie walk in

Ian: "Here we go--your beer."

Susan: "Did I mention that Maggie is an amazing chef? We're embarrassed to be cooking for her."

Maggie: "Stop. So, um, Mike, do you have a favorite type of cuisine?"

Mike: "Nah. After three months of prison food, everything tastes good to me."

Maggie: "So you were in prison?"

Susan: "He was totally innocent."

Mike: "Yeah, a woman was bludgeoned to death, and her blood wound up on my wrench."

Maggie: "Oh, my god."

Susan: "But he was cleared. All charges dropped. Here. Eat this."

She shoves an hors d'oeuvre into his mouth

Maggie: "It's just so awful. I mean, to go to jail for a crime you didn't commit."

Mike: "Oh, it was just a few months. Now my first stretch for manslaughter...that was brutal."

Later, at dinner, Mike continues talking about his time in prison

Mike: "My worst cellmate was this guy called "stilts." When they arrested him, they found a bowl full of ears."

Susan kicks Maggie

Maggie: "Ow! I-I think that was meant for you."

Susan: "Sorry."

Ian: "So why don't I just go and brew some coffee?"

Maggie: "And, uh, I brought a little surprise for dessert-- wedding cakes for you to sample."

Susan: "Great."

Maggie and Ian leave

Susan: "Thanks a lot. Now Maggie thinks you're Charles Manson."

Mike: "I don't care. I love you."

Susan: "Don't say that."

Mike: "It's true. I remember everything now. When i got run over, I was on my way to propose to you."

Susan: "I don't wanna talk about it."

Mike: "I do. What would you have said?"

Susan: "You know what I would have said. It doesn't matter now."

Mike: "The hell it doesn't. Susan, if you can look me in the eye and tell me that when we kissed, you felt nothing, then I'll just go, but only if you can say that and really mean it. Can you?"

Maggie and Ian come back in the room

Maggie: "Who wants wedding cake?"

Later, the four of them are eating from two different cakes

Susan: "Maggie, these cakes are fantastic."

Maggie: "Great. Well, all you have to do is choose one, and we're done. Did you notice the themes?"

Susan: "Themes?"

Maggie: "Yes. This one is very British--fondant icing and toffee ganache."

Ian sits down in front of that cake

Maggie: "And this is your classic American--white cake with buttercream frosting."

Mike sits down in front of that cake

Maggie: "So which one do you like the best?"

Susan: "Wow. It's kinda hard to decide."

Maggie: "Well, that depends on what you're looking for--rich and elegant...or down-to-earth and sweet?"

Susan: "I don't know."

Maggie: "You want to taste 'em again?"

Susan: "No, I know what they taste like. I'm just torn, okay?"

Maggie: "There's no need to get upset. It's--it's just a cake."

Susan: "It's not just a cake. It's a major decision!"

Maggie: "Well, hey, if you like 'em both so much, why don't--why don't you have two cakes?"

Susan: "How would that look? "Oh, hey, everybody! Here's my wedding cake. Oh, and what's that over there? It's my other wedding cake. I have to pick, and I will! So just stop pressuring me, okay? I'm sorry. I think I was just having a little sugar rush."

She sits down as everyone stares at her

Later, Ian walks Maggie out to her car

Ian: "Thanks again, and sorry."

Maggie drives off without saying anything. Ian walks back inside. Susan is washing dishes. Mike is standing very close to her

Mike: "Seriously, just put it on hold for just a month or two."

Ian: "Excuse me. Am I interrupting something?"

Susan: "No. It's nothing."

Mike: "I think it's time to level with him. I just told Susan I want her back."

Ian: "Excuse me?"

Mike: "Look, I know it puts a crimp in your plans, and I'm sorry, but I love her."

Ian: "Well, that's too damn bad, isn't it? Because she doesn't love you."

Mike: "Really? She didn't seem to mind when I kissed her."

Ian: "What? Did he just kiss you?"

Susan: "No. It--it was days ago."

Ian: "And you let him?"

Susan: "No! He--he pounced."

Mike: "It was hardly a pounce."

Ian: "You bastard. We...we had an agreement."

Mike: "Susan doesn't have to marry you because you won her in a game of cards."

Susan looks shocked

Mike: "What, he didn't tell you how we played poker for you?"

Susan: "You bet me in a game of poker?"

Ian: "It's not--not how it sounds. I merely suggested that-- that if I won the hand, then he--he would stop badgering you."

Susan: "And if he won?"

Ian: "Well, I-I forget the exact terms, but the point is, he lost, as I knew he would. I never would have wagered you if I didn't have a very good hand."

Susan: "Get out!"

Ian: "Susan, please."

Mike: "You heard her."

Susan: "You, too. I've had it with both of you. You're tugging at me like I'm some kind of wishbone."

Ian: "You're just upset."

Susan: "No, I am beyond upset. You two want a decision? Well, here's what I decide. There will be no kissing, and there will be no wedding, and there will be no damn cake!"

She runs upstairs

SCAVO RESTAURANT

Lynette is sitting at a table, adding up the day's profits. Rick puts a plate of food next to her

Lynette: "What's this?"

Rick: "Uh, pumpkin sage ravioli. It's a little thank you for taking a chance on me."

Lynette: "Are you kidding? I should be thanking you. We took in three grand tonight."

Rick lights a candle that's sitting at the table

Lynette: "Oh, wow. Candles, too?"

Rick: "Yeah, I think we should use 'em all the time. It softens up the ambience. So come on. Eat."

Lynette: "Oh. Oh, my god. If we serve this for tomorrow's special, will will clear four grand."

Rick: "Great. Uh...just be sure to run it by Tom."

Lynette: "Why? You know he'll just shoot it down. I mean, I get it. He's in pain. He doesn't like being sidelined, but that is no reason to...you know what?Let's talk about something else."

Rick: "Yeah, sure."

Lynette: "I mean, unless you'd like to go. You're here so late all the time."

Rick: "No. No, I like being here. It beats going home to an empty apartment."

Lynette: "Don't you have any friends to hang out with?"

Rick: "My friends come in two varieties--the ones I drove away bere I got clean and the ones I should avoid if I wanna stay clean."

Lynette: "Oh, yeah. I gotcha."

Lynette takes down her hair in preparation for putting it up again more neatly

Rick: "You ever wear your hair down?"

Lynette: "What? Yeah, sometimes. Why?"

Rick: "It looks really good. You should do it more often."

Lynette: "Oh, well...thanks. This is delicious."

Rick: "Thanks. Do you want some more wine?"

Lynette: "Sure."

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

Kayla comes into the room where Tom is resting. She's holding a newspaper

Kayla: "Daddy! The paper has a story about your restaurant."

Tom: "You're kidding! Well, come--come here. What does it say?"

Kayla sits on the bed and begins reading

Kayla: "When Scavo's Pizzeria opened its doors, you could almost hear the city groan, 'just what we need-- another pizza joint.' But with an updated menu from new chef Rick Coletti...Rick Coletti. Is he the man who cooked us that really, really--"

Tom: "Yeah, that's the one. What, what else does it say, honey?"

Kayla: "There's more than just crayons on the table. The veal piccata is divine, and the mushroom risotto is an...e-x-q-u--"

Tom: "Exquisite."

Kayla: "An exquisite treat. Scavo's has been transformed from a mundane family eatery into the area's hottest--"

Tom: "That's enough, Kayla. Daddy's tired."

Kayla: "Okay."

She hands the newspaper to him and leaves. He folds the paper over without looking at it. One of the headlines on the other side of the page reads "More Fallout From Lang Bang."

PRESS CONFERENCE

Victor is at the podium with dozens of reporters in front of him at the press conference

Victor: "Okay, I know you guys like a good scandal, but I think the citizens of fairview are more interested in the real issues."

Reporter: "Mr. Lang, given your fifteen point drop in the polls, what do you have to say to your constituents?"

Victor: "Well, I would ask them to, uh, not base their view of me on a single lapse of..."

In the audience, Gabrielle whispers to Jerome

Gabrielle: "It's not going very well, is it?"

Jerome: "You picked up on that, did you?"

The reporters continue to ask questions

Reporter: "Who is she, Mr. Lang? Give us a name."

Victor: "No, I will not identify the woman."

Reporter: "What are you hiding? Is she a prostitute?"

Victor: "No! She's not a prostitute. I'll answer questions one at a time, people."

Gabrielle begins walking forward

Gabrielle: "That does it."

Jerome: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Gaby, stop, please. Please, stop."

Gabrielle: "Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me."

Gabrielle steps up on stage next to Victor

Gabrielle: "I am the woman in the photos!"

Victor: "What are you doing?"

Gabrielle: "Standing by my man."

Reporter: "What's your name?"

Gabrielle: "My name is Gabrielle Marquez, and I want you to know, right before those photos were taken, Victor asked me to marry him."

Reporter: "What did you say?"

Gabrielle: "I said yes. I would be thrilled to be Mrs. Victor Lang."

Reporters: "Are you gonna get married? Have you set a date? Are you really getting married?"

Gabrielle: "In fact, I was so overcome, that when we were trapped in the elevator, I seized the moment to express my joy."

Reporter: "So this is a love story?"

Gabrielle: "The only reason Victor kept it from you was to protect me because he's the kind of man who puts a woman's honor before his own, and that's the kind of man you marry. That's the kind of man you vote for."

Reporter: "Where are you honeymooning?"

MRS. MCCLUSKEY'S HOUSE

Ida Greenberg picks up Mrs. McCluskey's mail and uses the spare key to let herself into Mrs. McCluskey's home. As soon as she opens the front door, her nose wrinkles

Ida: "What's that smell?"

A few minutes later after she's gone to investigate and she begins to scream

HOSPITAL

Mrs. McCluskey is sleeping when she's woken up by two police officers

Cop: "Ma'am. Are you Karen McCluskey?"

Mrs. McCluskey: "That little bastard gave me up, didn't he?"

MIKE'S HOUSE

Carlos is making lunch for himself. The TV is on in the background with the channel set to the local news station

Reporter: "Today, at the mayoral candidate's press conference, a woman identified as Gabrielle Marquez, a former model, surprised reporters by announcing her engagement to Mr. Lang."

Gabrielle: "The only reason he didn't tell you was because he was protecting me."

Edie walks in

Edie: "Carlos? I don't know if you've heard..."

Carlos: "Yeah. I heard."

On the TV, Gabrielle is still talking

Gabrielle: "In a few months, I will be Mrs. Victor Lang."

LYNETTE'S HOUSE

Tom settles himself carefully into a chair with a fan blowing at his face. Lynette is getting ready to leave

Lynette: "I just heard on the radio the power company is still having problems, and there might be another rolling blackout today. Do you want me to leave Ida's number in case something happens?"

Tom: "I'm sure I'll be fine."

Lynette: "Did you read our review in the paper?"

Tom: "Yep."

Lynette: "Okay. I'm off."

She leaves. The power goes out

Mary Alice: "Power-- it's the type of thing most people don't think about...until it's taken away. Whether it's the political power of the many...or a lover's influence over just one...we all want some sort of power in our lives...if only to give ourselves choices. Yes, to be without choices, to feel utterly powerless, well...it's a lot...like being alone...in the dark."

 

The End