Restaurant Bar
Jim is sitting at the bar having a drink
"Jim Halverson was aware that he had little to offer a woman. He was neither rich, nor smart, nor handsome."
Susan taps Jim on the shoulder.
Susan: "Are you Jim? I’m Susan Mayer."
Jim: "Oh!""So when his friends set him up on a blind date with a beautiful stranger…"
Jim: "Wow! You're so much hotter than Vicky said you would be. How old are ya?"
Susan: "How old do you think I am?""Jim made the tragic decision to try to be funny."
Jim: "Not a day over fifty."
Susan: "Why don’t we get our table?"
As Susan walks into the restaurant, Jim tries to explain his humor.
Jim: "Well, that was funny because you're so obviously not fifty, so that’s why I said fifty, it’s absurd."Restaurant - Interior
Jim and Susan are sitting at a table as the waiter pours wine.
"Jim did everything he could to get Susan Mayer to laugh. He tried racial humor."
Jim: "So guess what time Chinese people go to the dentist? Two thirty! Get it? Tooth hurty. Two thirty."
Jim laughs, Susan nods politely.
Jim: "I love that.""He tried to be engaging risqué."
Jim: "Rectum…damn near killed him!"
Susan stares at him.
Jim: "Ah, you know what a rectum is, right?"
Susan choking on her food, nods.
"He even tried gentle teasing."
Jim: "No, no, you see, by comparing you to a Nazi, I was making the point, you're so not a Nazi."
While explaining, Jim knocks over his napkin.
"And just when Jim thought the date couldn’t get any worse."
Susan and Jim reach down to the floor and bang heads.
Susan: "Oh! Oww! Oh!"
Susan sees Jim is on the floor, unconscious.
"It did."
Hospital Emergency Room
A doctor is examining Jim, flashing a light in his eyes.
Dr. Ron: "Okay, Jim. I need you to look up and down. All right. So, how did this happen?"
Susan: "It was an accident."
Jim: "Oh, oh, I don’t know about that. In some cultures, head butting is a mating ritual."
Susan: "Dr. McCreadie, can I talk to you about my head? Away from the draft."
Dr. Ron: "Yeah. Call me Dr. Ron. Everyone does."
They move to the corner of the room.
Susan: "Ah. Dr. Ron I need you to pretend there’s something wrong with me and admit me for the night."
Dr. Ron: "I’m sorry?"
Susan: "This is the worst date I have ever been on in my life."
They glance over at Jim who has inflated a glove and is "milking" it while telling the nurse a joke.
Susan: "That man is the most obnoxious, offensive, annoying human being, and you’re looking at me like I’m crazy right now, but I will be if I spend one more second with him so you gotta help me! You gotta do something."
She grabs his lapels.
Susan: "It’s my mental health. My mental health. You took an oath."
Dr. Ron: "Could you let go of my lapel please?"
Susan: "Sorry."
Dr. Ron: "Um, listen, I’m sorry you’re date's not going well, but I can’t admit you, Susan."
Susan: "Right, right."
Dr. Ron walks back to Jim.
Dr. Ron: "Jim, let’s, um, let's take a look at those reflexes."
Jim: "I’ll tell ya. I got a joke for you, Doctor. What’s the correct medical term for the circumcision of a rabbit? Hare Cut. I don’t know. I always..."
Dr. Ron: "Jim, I’m gonna need to keep you here for a while and run some tests."
Jim: " Really? I-"
Dr. Ron: "Yeah, I’m still worried about that bump."
Dr. Ron presses the bump on Jim’s head as Susan smiles.
Jim: "Oh. Ow! That still..."
Dr. Ron: "Susan. You’re good to go.""And though it only lasted a moment, Jim caught the look passed between his date and his doctor."
Dr. Ron looks at Susan. Susan smiles. Dr. Ron winks.
Susan: "Thank you so much, Dr. Ron."
Jim looks on in shock as Susan leaves.
"And he suddenly got the feeling the joke was on him."
Opening CreditsWisteria Lane - Daytime
A banner hangs, indicating the Wisteria Lane Blood Drive.
"The annual blood drive was a tradition on Wisteria Lane. Most residents came to help promote health and well-being."
Zach walks through a crowded park. Everyone is filling out forms. Susan, Bree, Gabrielle, Edie, and Lynette are sitting on the bench filling out forms as well.
"But my friends turned up for a different reason. They were growing increasingly concerned that their street was infected with a dangerous kind of sickness. And they came to consult with one another about a possible cure."
Susan is watching Matthew and Betty Applewhite. They see her and wave.
Susan: "Oh, great, she caught me staring."
Gabrielle: "Have you guys noticed how friendly Betty’s been since that body was found in front of her house?"
Edie: "I don’t trust friendly women."
Lynette: "That’s okay. They don’t trust you either."
Susan: "I just know those two have something to do with that dead body."
Bree: "Do we even know who he is?"
Susan: "Well the paper said the police are withholding the details."
Gabrielle: "Bree, maybe you should call in a favor from your police detective pal. Have him poke around."
Susan: "That’s a great idea. You could have him do a background check on the Applewhites."
Bree: "I don’t think I can do that."
Susan: "Why not? You said he was nice."
Bree: "Well, once he stopped suspecting me of murdering Rex, he was delightful, but I don’t really know him."
Susan: "Well, somebody has to do something 'cause I’m losing sleep."
Betty and Matthew approach.
Gabrielle: "Betty! Matthew!"
Betty: "Hello, everybody. Susan, a little birdy told me you are having a birthday soon. We should all go out and celebrate."
Susan: "Super."
Lynette: "Sounds like a plan."
Gabrielle: "Count me in."
As Betty and Matthew walk away, Bree waves.
Bree: "Bye."
Lynette: "See ya."
Betty and Matthew talk quietly to each other.
Matthew: "So why are you everybody’s best friend, all of a sudden?"
Betty: "If there was ever a time to be neighborly, this is it."
Matthew: "We’re idiots for staying here. I mean we should have hit the road as soon as they found Monroe’s body. I mean, how do we know that he didn’t tell Foster where we're hiding?"
Betty: "Because if he had, Foster would have shown up by now. Besides if we take off, what are we going to live on? I have all of our money tied up in this house."
Matthew: "So why not just sell it?"
Betty: "Patience, Matthew. If we take off right away it’ll look suspicious. Now, what we need is a story, a reason for us to move."
Zach approaches the nurse’s table
in the park, handing her a clipboard.
Nurse: "Look at this. AB negative."
Zach: "Yeah, it's the rarest of all blood types."
Nurse: "Well, there must be something in the water around these parts. You’re my second AB negative today."
Zach: "Seriously? Uh, who was it?"
Nurse: "That guy."
The nurse looks around and points at Mike, who's walking away. Zach stares at him.
Outside Bree's House
Bree is removing snails from her flowers. Betty approaches.
Betty: "Hi, Bree."
Bree: "Oh, hi."
Betty: "I just wanted to thank you for your advise on my azaleas. They’re just thriving."
Bree: "Oh. It was no trouble at all."
Betty: "Such a shame I may not be around to enjoy them. Well, my mother has taken ill. And Matthew and I will probably go and visit her. We may even be moving. We just don’t know yet."
Bree: "Oh. Well, where does she live?"
Betty: "Back in Chicago."
Bree: "Is it serious?"
Betty: "I, I don’t know yet. Well, obviously I’ll be speaking with her doctor."
Bree: "Oh, Betty. If there’s anything I can do, anything at all."
Betty: "Thank you. You’ve already done so much. Bye."
Betty walks away.
Susan's House
Susan removes the blood drive tape from her arm as Julie walks in.
Susan: "Oh."
Julie: "That Dr. Ron called. He needs to see you for a follow-up appointment."
Susan: "He needs to see me, or he wants to see me?"
Julie: "Geez, Mom, how cute is this guy?"
Susan: "Oh, he could be cuter, but I don’t know how."
Julie: "So ask him out."
Susan: "Oh no, I can’t do that."
Julie: "Mom, he’s a cute surgeon. What’s the problem?"
Susan: "He’s young."
Julie: "Young?"
Susan: "Younger than me."
Julie: "How much younger?"
Susan: "Let’s just say if I was a senior in high school, I’d be saying, ‘Wow, you’re a hot fifth grader.'"
Julie: "Well, of course it’s going to sound gross if you say it that way. But, you’re both adults so why not just ask him out?"
Susan: "'Cause the conversation could go something like this. 'Dr. Ron, I think you’re hot.' 'Oh. Well, thank you, ma'am. Now I think it’s time we talk about your hip replacement.'"
Julie: "Mom, you’re hot and funny and nice and clearly desperate, and guys are into that. Play to your strengths."Outside Lynette's House
Lynette drives into her driveway. Tom runs out to meet her.
Tom: "Thank god you’re home."
Lynette: "What’s wrong? Pat said you told her it was an emergency."
Tom: "The boys were sent home from school."
Lynette: "What! Why? I called. The machine kept picking up."
Tom: "I know. I know. Look I, they’ve got chicken pox."
Lynette: "Chicken pox? That’s the emergency?"
Tom: "They’re totally contagious."
Lynette: "Not to us."
Tom: "They are to me. I’ve never had it."
Lynette: "Well, you never told me that."
Tom: "The point is, I can’t go in there. It’s a hot zone."
Lynette: "Well, Tom. Somebody’s got to take care of our kids."
Tom: "Exactly. And since you're immune..."
Lynette: "Oh, you gotta be kidding, I have to get back to work."
Tom: "Just for a couple of day, until they’re not contagious."
Lynette: "It is not the Ebola Virus, it’s chicken pox. You are being a baby."
Tom: "Yes, I am.
Lynette: "Okay."
Tom: "And if you think I’m being a baby now, do I need to remind you of what I’m like when I’m sick? Remember that time I had strep throat? We wound up in marriage counseling."
Lynette: "I’ll call the office."
Tom: "Thanks, honey."
Rédigé par OnlyMarcia
