WISTERIA LANE - DAY
The street is filled with children riding their bikes and jumping rope on the sidewalk, and tossing a Frisbee.
"All children love to play games. But before they can race their bikes or jump their ropes or toss their frisbees, children must understand that they must first convince their friends to play along with them. They same is true for adults."
SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Susan is on the phone.
Susan: "Hi Gaby. I'm throwing a party Saturday night. Guess what kind?
GABRIELLE'S KITCHEN
Gaby is on the phone.
Gabrielle: "A Charades party? Did you just throw one?"
Susan: "No, that was a year ago."
Gabrielle: "Oh, right, guess it's time for another one."
Susan: "Sure is. Can you come?"
Gabrielle: "Ahh. Sorry, Victor needs me at this political thing. Damn. Damn. Damn."
Susan: "Ahhh. You have to come. You're the best Charade's player I know.
LYNETTE'S LIVING ROOM
Lynette is lying on her couch on the phone.
Lynette: "That's sweet and totally accurate, but I'm really whipped from the Chemo so... Oh, there's my other line... can you ask me next time, okay Hon? Okay, bye."
Lynette hangs up and clicks to her other line.
Lynette: "Hello. Oh hey Bree. Ummm. What's up?
BREE'S LIVING ROOM
Bree is on the phone.
Bree: "I stopped by Katherine's yesterday to get a recipe and you'll never guess what I over heard.
GABRIELLE'S EXERCISE ROOM
Gaby is on the treadmill.
Gabrielle: "She slapped her kid? No!"
Bree: "Yes. And get this. When Adam said Dylan would just keep asking questions, Katherine said, and I quote, 'Well, we're just going to have to find better lies.' Oh, hang on, I've got another call."
Gabrielle: "Don't answer it. It's Susan. She's hosting another game night."
Bree: "Another one? It's time for an anonymous letter."
Lynette at home, taking pills and talking on the phone.
Lynette: "Wait. Is Katherine going to Susan's charade night?"
Gabrielle: "Probably, why?"
Lynette: "We should go too. Get a few drinks in her, see if she loosens up."
Bree: "Well, I doubt a woman like Katherine is going to spill her secrets just because she's had a little wine."
Lynette: "I don't know. You came out with some interesting things before you swore off the sauce."
Bree: Well, none that I recall."
Lynette: "Did you tell me you lost your virginity in the back seat of a ......"
Bree: "Point well taken! I'll bring the wine."
Gabrielle talking on the phone.
Gabrielle: "Susan, good news! We can come to the party after all. Hey you know who else you should invite?"
Lynette talking on the phone.
Lynette: "Yeah, I am feeling much better so count me in. Will our new neighbor be coming?"
Bree talking on the phone.
Bree: "Of course! I love your charades parties. And I hope you're inviting that delightful Katherine Mayfair.
KATHERINE'S FRONT YARD
Katherine is watering her flowers as Susan walks up.
Susan: "So you were paid a very nice compliment today."
Katherine: "I was?"
Susan: "Yes. I am hosting a Charades party and all of my friends went out of their way to insist I invite you."
Katherine: "Really?
BREE'S HOUSE
Bree is looking out her window at Katherine and Susan.
"Yes, not all adults like to play games..."
Katherine looks over and sees Bree looking out the window. Bree quickly back away.
"But the ones who do, play to win."
BREE'S KITCHEN
Stella is looking through a cookbook.
"Stella Winfield hated to cook. Still she spent that Friday morning grating cheese and greasing a pan and lying in macaroni. Because her eldest daughter was sick"
Stella brings a plate of macaroni outside to Lynette.
"And Stella could no longer sit by and do nothing."
Stella: "Lunchtime!"
Lynette: "Oh, no thanks."
Stella: "Oh come on, I made it for you special. You've gotta keep your strength up."
Lynette: "I appreciate the effort but I told you I can't keep anything down. And FYI, mac and cheese is halfway to vomit. You might as well have given me a plate of creamed corn."
Stella: "Are you taking the anti nausea drug?"
Lynette: "Yeah, I am taking it. It's just not working."
Stella: "Well, ah. I know something that might help your nausea and boost your appetite. Perhaps a little visit from my old friend, 'Mary Jane?"
Lynette: "You're suggesting Pot?"
Stella: "A lot of Chemo patients use it. Hell, I did! Come on. Let mama score you some kick ass chronic."
Lynette: "Kick Ass Chronic? Ah-huh. You're a grandmother. Shouldn't you be off somewhere knitting an afghan?"
Stella: "Just trying to ease your pain."
Lynette: "Well thanks. But I prefer not to get my medication from someone under a bridge."
Stella: "Suit yourself!
SUSAN'S FRONT YARD
Susan is taking out the trash. She sees Mike in the garage making a baby crib.
Susan: "Hey, what's this?"
Mike: "A crib. And look. (raising the side of the crib) a safety latch. I figured if the baby takes after you, accident proof is key!"
Susan: "Honey, you know I'm still in my first trimester. Don't you think it's a little early to be making cribs?"
Mike: "Early would be painting this thing blue. But (Mike holds up a can of blue and a can of pink paint) I got both so we're covered either way."
Susan: "Great."
Mike: "And whether it's boy or a girl, (Mike attaches a football sticker on the crib) Colts fan. That's not negotiable."
Susan: "Umm. Bree's home, I'll be right back.
BREE'S DRIVEWAY
Bree and Orson get out of the car.
Orson: "Look sharp, Susan!"
Bree: "Guy, it's getting harder and harder to keep her at arm's length. I never knew she was such a hugger."
Orson: "Want me to run interference?"
Bree: "No, no, getting good at props."
Bree takes a bag of groceries as Susan approaches.
Bree: "Hey, Susan. What's up?"
Susan: "I need a favor. Um, I remember you mentioning that you liked your Obstetrician. Can I get his number?"
Bree: "I thought you were using Dr. Mayfair?"
Susan: "Yeah, I don't know. It's getting a little weird. You know Adam is my neighbor."
Bree: "Well you don't mind Orson being your dentist."
Susan: "Well that's because I don't blush when Orson says "open wide."
Bree: "You know, my OB is all they way across town. You just do not want to drive that far."
Susan: "Oh well, we could schedule our appointment together and carpool. You know, pregnant gals on the road."
Bree: "Ha ha ha. It does sound fun. But I don't think my doctor's taking on any new patients."
Susan: "Oh I'll talk him into it. What's his name?"
Bree: "I, um, don't remember."
Susan: "You don't remember?"
Bree: "You know, I usually just call him "doctor."
Susan: "Bree. Just get me the number.
BREE'S KITCHEN
Bree is thumbing through the yellow pages. She finds "Obstetricians" and grabs a paper and pen. She closes her eyes and pokes. She writes down the number she poked.
She takes it outside to Susan.
Bree: "Here you go, but please don't mention my name. As I said he's overbooked and I just don't want to get on his bad side."
Susan: "I'm so excited. Pregnant gals, sharing a doctor!"
She reaches out to hug Bree. Bree sneezes.
Susan: "Oh, bless you."
Bree: "Oh sorry. Probably just allergies but, you know you don't want to take any chances."
Susan covers her nose and mouth and runs away.
KATHERINE'S DRIVEWAY
Adam is outside washing the car. A young woman jogs up.
Woman: "Hey, can I get a drink?"
Adam: "Yeah, sure."
Young woman drinks from the hose.
Woman: "Thanks. By the way you missed a spot."
Adam: "Ah, thanks."
The young woman jogs away and suddenly the hose turns off. Adam turns to see why.
Katherine: "I'd say the car is clean enough."
Adam: "Katherine."
Katherine: "She seemed awfully friendly. Do you know her?"
Adam: "No, we said two words. She criticized my car wash."
Katherine: "Umm, it's funny. When I criticize you, you don't put on a big goofy grin!"
Adam: "You really need to stop this."
Katherine: "Given our history, shouldn't I be saying that to you."
Adam: "Katherine, I just can't not speak to women. I'm a Gynecologist for god's sake."
Katherine: "Yes, I know. But you don't have to bring your work home with you.
GABRIELLE'S HOUSE
Gabrielle is on the porch and watches Katherine drive away. She goes back in.
Gabrielle: "You leaving already?"
Carlos: (getting dressed) "Edie asked me to help her pick out a gift for her sister. So I gotta swing by the mall. When can I see you next?"
Gabrielle: "Well, Victor has a teacher's union thing on Thursday."
Carlos: "Guess I'll see you on Thursday."
Gabrielle: "Carlos, what's happening here with us? I mean why are we still sneaking around?"
Carlos: "You know exactly why."
Gabrielle: "Oh come on. Edie's recovered from her little suicide attempt. Don't you think it's time to move on?"
Carlos: "I've got some things going on and I need them to pay off before I can make a move. Really, I don't have a choice."
Gabrielle: "Okay, but if you did have a choice would it be a hard one? I mean, it's not like you're in love with Edie, is it?"
Carlos: "No, I don't love Edie. And I've got a plan to get her out of my life forever. Just give me two weeks. Okay?"
Gabrielle: "Bracelet's always nice. For Edie's sister."
Carlos: "Good idea."
WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Carlos sneaks out of the side gate of Gabrielle's house. Stella is at the side of Lynette's house talking to someone.
Stella: "Here's the thing. My daughter has Cancer. She is so nausea she stopped eating and I can't just stand by and watch her waste away. So I asked around and people thought you might be able to get me what I need. Follow my drift?"
Andrew: "Ahh. Yeah, you want me to score you some weed?"
Stella: "Best stuff you can get. Nothing's too good for my little girl.
Stella hands Andrew money.
BREE'S HOUSE
Orson walks into the bedroom.
Orson: "Darling?"
Bree: "What is it?"
Orson: "I don't want you to worry. I just got off the phone with the convent. It seems Danielle took a little spill."
Bree is talking on the phone.
Bree: "You're eight and a half months pregnant! What in heaven's name were you doing rollerblading?
DANIELLE'S ROOM AT THE CONVENT
Danielle: "I'm bored. All I do is lay around."
Bree: "In your condition that's what you should be doing. And where on Earth did you get skates in a convent?"
Danielle: "I borrowed them from one of the eating disordered girls. They have got all the good exercise equipment."
Bree: "What if your reckless behavior had hurt the baby?"
Danielle: "They are going to exam me. I'm sure the baby's fine."
Bree: "Yes, it is going to stay that way because I've instructed Sister Teresa to keep you sequestered in your room until the baby is born."
Danielle: "What am I supposed to do for fun. You won't even get me a DVD player."
Bree: "Well, I was hoping that you would use these last few weeks for reflection and personal growth."
Danielle: "I hate you."
Bree: "Clearly it would be time well spent.
LYNETTE'S KITCHEN
Lynette is reading a magazine, drinking water with plate of uneaten Lasagna next to her.
Tom: "How was the Lasagna?"
Stella: "Why don't you ask it yourself?"
Tom: "Honey."
Lynette: "Sorry."
Tom: "At least eat a little. We need you in fine form for Charade's tonight."
Lynette: "Yeah, about that. I don't think I'm gonna make it."
Tom: "You have to! You are the Charade's assassin! They still talk about the night you guessed the "Americanization of Emily' in fifteen seconds."
Lynette: "Twelve. That's my point. I'm undefeated. Why spoil my winning streak when I'm not up to it."
Tom: "People know that you are sick. They don't expect you to be at your absolute best."
Doorbell rings.
Lynette: "Tom. Hair loss and constant nausea, those are inconveniences. Losing at charades to Susan Meyer, that is just flat out intolerable!"
Tom answers the door.
Tom: "Hey, Andrew."
Andrew: "Hey."
Tom: "What's up?"
Andrew: "Hey Mr. Scavo. A package for Lynette's mom got delivered to our house by mistake, so..."
Stella: (running up) "I've got it Tom. It's a pattern. I'm knitting Lynette an afghan."
SLEAZY DOCTOR'S OFFICE
Susan is looking through a very dirty fish tank with one dead fish floating on the top. Susan, careful not to touch anything, walks to one of the chairs. On the table is a bowl with a sign "free condoms, take one." Susan pulls a Kleenex out of her purse, puts it on the chair then sits down. A woman who looks like a streetwalker, watches her.
Susan: (to streetwalker) "A friend of mine recommended this place. It's not exactly what I expected. Must be one heck of a doctor though, huh?"
Streetwalker: "I don't know. I just come here to buy clean urine."
LYNETTE'S KITCHEN
All the kids are reaching for brownies on a plate on the table. Stella stops them.
Stella: "Shoo! Those are only for grownups."
Kayla: "But, why?"
Stella: "Because they have special medicine in them."
Porter: "Like the grown-up ice tea you always drink?"
Stella: "Similar! How bout some ice cream instead? And you can watch TV until your eyes fall out."
All Kids: "Yeah!"
They all run off but Stella stops Parker.
Stella: "You! Stay! Grandma needs a favor. And you've got just the face for it.
LYNETTE'S BEDROOM
A very sick looking Lynette is lying in bed. Parker comes in with a plate of brownies.
Lynette: "Wow, Sweetie, those really look delicious but I just don't feel like eating right now."
Parker: "Just one, Mom? I made them special. Just for you."
Lynette takes one and bites into it as Stella sneaks a peek from the doorway.
Lynette: "This really is delicious."
KATHERINE'S HOME
Katherine is getting ready to go out.
Katherine: "And if there's an emergency you can reach me on my cell phone."
Adam: "Or just walk across the street. Have fun girls, don't do anything I would do."
Adam and Katherine leave. Julie and Dillon are studying.
Julie: "Adam seems really laid back."
Dillon: "Yeah, he's pretty cool. Course everyone seems cool compared to 'robo-mom."
Julie: 'Hey, you never told me. What happened when you asked her about your real dad?"
Dillon: "She freaked out. Just like I thought. She wouldn't tell me anything."
Julie: "Well, there are other ways to find things out. Does your Mom keep any old papers? You know, letters, diaries?"
Dillon: "No that she shows me. There's stuff in the storage room upstairs but it's locked so forget about it."
Julie: "What kind of lock is it?
SUSAN'S HOUSE - CHARADE NIGHT
A frantic Mike opens the door.
Mike: "Oh, come on in, I was hoping you were Susan."
Bree and Orson come in with wine.
Bree: "She's not here?"
Mike: "No and she's not answering her cell phone."
Orson: "Where is she?"
Mike: "Well she had an appointment with this new Obstetrician over on River Street. She should be here by now."
Orson: (to Bree) "Why would she see a doctor over there? That's a terrible neighborhood."
Bree: "It is?"
Orson: "Yes, don't you remember that's where they murdered those two prostitutes last year."
Bree: (Worried) "We should help Mike with the food."
Front door opens. Adam and Katherine enter.
Adam: "Knock, knock!"
Katherine: "We're here."
Bree: "Oh good, Katherine I was hoping we would get a chance to chat. (whispering to Orson as she hands the wine to him) Open this Now!
EDIE'S HOUSE
Edie comes downstairs all dressed up.
Edie: "Oh, Susan's parties are always such a snooze fest. The only thing people will be miming is "get me the hell out of here."
Carlos: "Aren't you overdressed for charades?"
Edie: "Well I thought that I would look nice. Just in case we decide to ... well, I don't know... announce our engagement."
Carlos: "We're not announcing anything. It's Susan and Mike's party. I don't want to make it all about us."
Edie: "You're right, Darling. I may drop a few hints though."
Carlos: "Edie, let me be clear on this! You are not to tell anyone about our engagement! Got it?"
Edie: "Fine, I won't say a word."
Carlos walks out the door. Edie pulls a diamond ring out of her purse and puts it on. She puts her ring hand in her coat pocket and follows Carlos out.
WISTERIA LANE - NIGHT
Gabrielle and Victor are walking to Susan's house. Victor is looking at his cell phone.
Victor: "Oh, this is fantastic! You know Edward Ferber?"
Gabrielle: "Ummm."
Victor: "State Senator."
Gabrielle: "Yes."
Victor: "His wife just got picked up for shop lifting."
Gabrielle: "Why is that fantastic?"
Victor: "Cause he was making noises about going against me for Governor. I guess 'light finger' Mrs. Ferber just put and end to that."
Gabrielle: "Why? It's not like he shop lifted."
Victor: "It doesn't matter, it's a scandal. You know what they do to poll numbers."
Gabrielle: "Oh, that's right. I was reading about that in Politics' boring magazine."
Victor: "I'm just glad I don't have to worry about you pulling crap like that."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, you're lucky."
Carlos and Edie arrive at the same time as Gabrielle and Victor.
INSIDE SUSAN'S HOUSE
Tom and Orson are gathered around a buffet table
Orson: "Where's Lynette? She's usually your charades' MVP."
Tom: "Ahh, she wasn't feeling so well, but you are still going down, Mister!"
Orson: "It's just a game. Tom. A game you wish you'd never played."
Gabrielle walks up to Bree and Katherine.
Bree: "Oh hi, Gaby. Katherine and I were just talking about the old days. So when you were living with your Aunt was Dillon's father with you?"
Katherine: "No, just me and Dillon."
Gabrielle: "Where you widowed or divorced?
Katherine: "Actually I prefer not to discuss my first marriage, if you don't mind."
Bree: "Oh well we certainly didn't mean to pry. Let me just tinge that up for you. "
Bree pours more wine into Katherine cup as Edie walks in removing her coat.
Edie: "Hello, all. It's so nice to see you."
Edie reaches for her eye as though something is in it.
Edie: "Oh no! My contact slipped."
Bree: "Edie, is that an engagement ring?"
Edie: "Oh, shoot! Pretend you didn't see that. I promised my fiancée that I wouldn't say a word until the official announcement."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me."
Gabrielle puts her drink down and turns. She walks away as Susan walks in.
Susan: "Gaby! Sorry I'm late. (to Katherine) Oh my god, you made it! That is such a beautiful dress. We're going to have so much fun! (Grabs Bree's arm) You! Come with me!"
Susan drags Bree out of the room.
SUSAN'S FRONT PORCH
Carlos and Gabrielle are talking.
Gabrielle: "She's got a ring!"
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle: "Edie! She's wearing a big honking engagement ring the size of a peach pit!"
Carlos: "Hey, I didn't get her a ring!"
Gabrielle: "Oh, so you're not engaged?"
Carlos: "Well, see, here's the thing."
Gabrielle: "Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"
Carlos: "Let me explain!"
Gabrielle: "I'm done with your explanations and I'm done with 'just give me two more weeks, baby.' Whatever games you're playing, I'm sick of it! We're through!"
Carlos: "So you're just gonna go live happily ever after with Victor, huh?"
Gabrielle: "You think Victor's my only option? Well I got news for you Carlos, I can have any guy I want. Because this ... waits for no man!"
Gabrielle walks back into the house. Edie is at the buffet table eating when Carlos walks up.
Carlos: "You bought yourself an engagement ring?"
Edie: "It's been three days, Carlos, how long was I supposed to wait?"
Carlos: "You agreed not to say anything!"
Edie: "Ah, but I didn't agree not to wear anything. Don't worry it wasn't expensive. You can pay me back later."
Carlos: "Count on it.
SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Susan is at her sink scrubbing her arms.
Susan: "And the whole time, I just kept thinking this is Bree's doctor. Bree recommended him. He must be the best! So I didn't worry when it was between the 'Needles Only" and Transvestite bookstore. And I ignored that my shoes stuck to the floor and there was a cigarette machine in the waiting room. But when I saw the ant traps on his speculum tray, I thought that you and I should have a talk!"
Bree: "Oh Susan, I am so sorry. And of course I will pay for the slashed tire and the stolen cell phone."
Susan: 'That is not the point! Why would you send me to someone who is obviously not your doctor?"
Bree: "I can't tell you."
Susan "Why not?"
Bree: "It's private."
Susan: "You know what else is private? The parts of me I'm pretty sure he snapped with his camera phone. I have a party to throw. I will deal with you later."
SUSAN'S BACK ROOM
Carlos is on the phone.
Carlos: "Look she is totally out of control. I need her taken care of.
AL'S OFFICE
Al: "Fine, I'll see what I can do."
Carlos hangs up and walks back into the party. Gabrielle saunters up to Adam.
Gabrielle: "Adam, I feel the tag on my dress sticking out and I can't reach it. Do you mind?"
Adam: "Oh sure."
Adam tucks in the tag as Carlos watches.
Adam: "Here you go."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I think I got a chill. Now let me see if I can give you one!"
Gabrielle tickles Adam's arm. Carlos smashes his glass on the table and walks by Katherine who is also watching Adam and Gabrielle.
Katherine is whispering to Adam.
Katherine: "We haven't been here an hour and you are humiliating me!"
Adam: "Are we gonna have this conversation again?"
Katherine: "Oh, I guess you learned nothing from Chicago."
Adam: "For God's sake. I was not flirting. She asked me to fix her dress."
Katherine: "Yeah, I saw you're face. I could tell what a chore it was for you."
Adam: "You know what, I think I'm a little behind you in the alcohol department. Let me go catch up!"
Adam walks away as Edie approaches.
Edie: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. But you really shouldn't take this out on Adam. Gabrielle has a little bit of a reputation, if you know what I mean."
Katherine: "No, I don't. But I'd certainly like to.
SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
Susan: "Okay, everyone. Let the games begin. Um. I will be team captain one. Who wants to be captain number two?
Gabrielle: "I'll do it!"
Susan: "Great! Okay you pick first."
Gabrielle: "Oh, okay. I will pick Adam."
Adam: "Ah."
Susan: "I pick Lynette. Where's Lynette?"
Tom: "She really wanted to be here. She's just feeling too sick to party.
LYNETTE'S LIVING ROOM
Lynette is watching TV with the kids, laughing and eating chips.
Parker; "That's funny isn't it?"
Lynette: "It's genius! He's a sponge, but he talks!"
Stella: "Well, it looks like somebody is feeling a little better."
Lynette: (laughing) "Yeah, I guess that anti nausea medicine finally kicked in."
Stella: (smiling) "That must be it!
SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
Gabrielle: "Orson."
Susan: "Carlos."
Mike: "Um.. husband in the room."
Susan: "Honey, I love ya but I wanna win."
Orson: (to Gabrielle) "You should pick Edie."
Gabrielle: "Why?"
Orson: "The woman just tried to commit suicide. Don't make her last pick. She's still fragile."
Gabrielle: "Good point. Mike! Yes. Let's get started."
Susan: "No, no. Wait, wait, wait. Gaby. You know how it works. First I have to go over all the signals. Okay, so
(gesturing) this is movie. TV. "
KATHERINE'S HOUSE
Julie is picking the lock of the door upstairs.
Dillon: "Where did you learn to do this?"
Julie: "When you live with a mother who constantly locks herself out you develop certain skills."
Dillon: "I don't know. Maybe this is a sign we should stop."
Door opens.
Julie: "What were you saying about signs?
SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
Susan is still describing and gesturing while everyone looks on bored.
Susan: "Whole concept. Person. Umm, Let's see, Shakespeare, book, and then you can do the signal for book and you touch your heart and that means poem..
Gabrielle: "When has anyone ever used poem as a clue?"
Victor: "Yeah. Come on, let's play."
Everyone: "Let's play! Yeah"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, let's play."
A very happy Lynette walks in.
Lynette: "Hey!"
Tom: "Hey, Honey, you made it!"
Susan: "Ah ha! Dibs on Lynette! She's on my team!"
Gabrielle: "That's not fair! She's like the Charades' Ninja!"
Lynette: "That's me!! Ninja!"
Lynette roundhouse kicks the lamp.
Lynette: "Ya Ha! (laughing) I'm sorry. Okay, I'm ready.
SUSAN'S LIVING ROOM
Susan pushes a stopwatch, as Orson acts out his charade.
Susan: "Okay, go."
Gabrielle's Team: "Shoe, sock, working out, sole, itch, itch, scratch."
Gabrielle: "A blister."
Orson: "Ah!"
Gabrielle: "Blister, sounds like blister."
Adam: "Sister."
Bree: "Two Mules for Sister Sara!"
Team: "Hoorah!!!"
Susan: "Okay, twenty two seconds. Lynette, you're up."
Tom: "Come on babe! We're forty seconds down. We need you to make that time up."
Lynette: "Who do you think you're talking to."
Tom: "Right on."
Gabrielle is hanging on Adam with the stopwatch.
Gabrielle: "Ready? Set. Go."
Lynette reads her charade.
Tom: "Honey. Clocks ticking."
Lynette: (smiling) "I know. This is a really hard one."
Tom: "Kay, come on, come on, what is it? Is it a book, a movie?"
Lynette: "Movie, a western."
Bree: "No talking."
Lynette: "Sorry."
Tom: "Honey, start with the first word. How many syllables? "
Lynette gestures one.
Susan's Team: "One word?"
Tom: "Sweetie, act it out. You're really good at that."
Edie: "Okay, okay. Whole idea."
Lynette points at Edie
Edie: "Me."
Susan: "Edie. Woman, Blond, bleach!"
Lynette gestures no in frustration. She jumps up on the fireplace ledge. Acts like she's making a noose, puts it around her neck and hangs herself. She jumps down and pretends like she's dead. Everyone stares in disbelief. Edie looks shocked.
Tom: "Hang Em High?"
Lynette: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
Susan: "Okay, well I think it's time for a break?"
Everyone: (uncomfortable) "Yes."
Tom: (to Lynette) "You feeling okay? Cause you're acting kinda spacey."
Lynette: 'Yeah, no, I'm good. Hey do you think they have any grapes or.."
Tom: "Hey, why don't I go get you some coffee, Hon."
Andrew walks in.
Andrew: "Orson. Ah, there's a phone call for you at the house. You should probably take it."
Orson runs out. Andrew sees Lynette at the table eating everything. Andrew gives Lynette the "thumbs up" sign. Lynette smiles back.
As Orson goes out the front door, Stella runs in.
Stella: "Hello. Oh Tom."
Tom: "Stella, what are you doing here?"
Stella: "I made some brownies earlier and I just noticed they were missing. Ah. Lynette didn't bring them here did she?"
Tom: "Why, is that a problem?"
Tom runs into the living room as Lynette is passing out the brownies.
Lynette: "It's like chocolate love!"
Tom: "Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, sorry, don't eat those."
Tom grabs the brownie out of Edie and Katherine's hands. He grabs the one in Mike and Susan's hands.
Tom: "No, bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad. Whoa."
He grabs the ones from Bree and Carlos.
Tom: "Sorry. Full of trans fat."
He walks backwards and bumps into Gabrielle who spills a drink all over Adam.
Gabrielle: "Tom, watch it!"
Tom: "I am sorry."
Gabrielle grabs a napkin.
Gabrielle: "Here, let me get that.
Adam: "Thank you. Sorry, it's a little cold"
She begins patting Adam's shirt. Katherine walks up.
Katherine: "Would it be too much to ask you to keep your hands off my husband?"
Gabrielle: "What, I spilled my drink on him."
Katherine: "And you're trying to make up for it by breast feeding him?"
Adam: "Katherine?"
Gabrielle: "Look lady, you need to calm down. You're getting a reputation around her for having a stick up your ass!"
Katherine: "Better that reputation than the one you're toting around."
Gabrielle: "What do you mean by that?"
Susan: "Okay, back to Charades."
Katherine: "Never mind. Forget it."
Gabrielle: "No, tell me. What's my reputation? Am I smug and holier than thou? Oh no wait. That's you."
Victor walks into the room.
Katherine: "Let me be specific. By reputation, I mean that you are the kind of woman that treats a man like a plaything. Whether it's my husband or let's say you're teenage gardener?"
Gabrielle stares at Edie, who looks away. Victor looks angry.
Gabrielle: "Bree saw you slap your daughter."
Katherine: "Excuse me?"
Bree: "Gaby?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, she asked about her father and then you smacked her. Why'd you do that?"
Katherine: "This is the last thing that I will ever say to you. Yes, I lost my temper with Dillon. But her father is a horrible man. I want you to imagine the worst thing that a father can do to his daughter. What was a supposed to tell Dillon about that, huh? I hope that satisfies everyone's curiosity."
Katherine walks out of the room.
Lynette: "Oh my god. "Hang Em High" has three syllables.
SUSAN'S BEDROOM
Victor is sitting on the bed as Gabrielle walks in.
Gabrielle: "I guess you saw what happened down there."
Victor: "Yup."
Gabrielle: "Look, it was a long time ago and it didn't mean anything."
Victor: "How many people know about this?"
Gabrielle: "Now, or before tonight?"
Victor: "How many?"
Gabrielle: "Look, I know you're upset."
Victor: "No, not upset. I'm just trying to work out how to spin this. Clearly the boy was underage. Do you think money would shut him up?"
Gabrielle: "Victor, really, I don't think it's a big deal."
Victor: "Um. That's because you're not me."
Victor walks out of the room.
KATHERINE'S HOUSE - LOCKED ROOM
Dillon and Julie are going through boxes.
Julie: "Okay you gotta remember this. (holding up a Teddy Bear) This is Bodworth. You took him everywhere."
Dillon: "No. I think I'd remember a bear that ugly."
Julie: "Well, clearly it's yours. Your mom kept it all these years and he's here in your old room."
Dillon: "Wait, this was my old room? My mom told me I'm in my old room down the hall."
Julie: "No, this was your room. What are you talking about?"
Katherine walks in,
Katherine: "Evening girls."
Julie: "Hey! How was the party?"
Katherine: "It was lovely. I think your mother would like you home now to clean up."
Julie gets up and walks out.
Dillon: "I'm sorry Mom."
Katherine: "It's okay sweetie. But I don't want you seeing that girl anymore."
Dillon walks out.
SUSAN'S KITCHEN
Orson walks in.
Bree: "Orson, Honey, where have you been?"
Orson: "We've had a call from Danielle's doctor. Apparently her fall caused a placental eruption. When the placental separates from the Uterus."
Bree: "My god."
Orson: "He said not to panic. There are degrees of this. They are doing a sonogram then they are going to call us."
Bree: "I can't wait that long. I have to be with her."
Orson: "Okay. I'll get your purse."
Bree and Orson are leaving Susan's house.
Susan: "What do you think you are doing? You can't leave yet!"
Bree: "Ah something's come up. We'll talk tomorrow."
Susan: "No, we'll talk now. You still owe me an explanation for that skuzzy gyno you sent me to.:
Bree: "I said I was sorry, for god's sake, Susan, not everything is about you!"
Bree and Orson leave. Edie comes out the front door.
Edie: "Oh, I know this night has been a complete disaster but all in all, it's still your best party ever.
SUSAN'S BATHROOM
Carlos is just drying his hands and when he opens the door, Gabrielle pushes him back in and begins kissing him.
Carlos: "I'm confused."
Gabrielle slaps Carlos.
Carlos: "Ow! Now I'm confused and my head hurts!"
Gabrielle: "That's for letting Edie think you are engaged."
Carlos: "And the kiss?"
Gabrielle: "When you saw me flirting you smashed a glass. When Victor heard I had an affair he started crunching poll numbers. I need a man who cared enough to explode when he thinks he's gonna lose me. I don't just love you, I love the way you love me."
Carlos: "So we're back on?"
Gabrielle: "See you Thursday."
They kiss passionately, and Carlos leaves.
SUSAN'S HOUSE
Carlos is talking on the phone.
Carlos: "Al what have you got for me?"
Al: "I think I found a way to make this happen. But it might take a week or two to line everything up."
Carlos: "Fantastic.
AL'S OFFICE
Al: "I'll call you when it's done.:
Al hangs up.
Al: "Shirley? Can you make some copies of the Britt file?"
Shirley leaves the office, closes the door. The door reads Al Kaminsky, Certified Public Accountant.
SUSAN'S HOUSE
Carlos is having a drink when Victor walks in.
Victor: "Seen Gaby?"
Carlos: "Ah yeah. In the bathroom upstairs."
Victor: "Tell me something. When you found out that kid that you were paying to mow your lawn was doing your wife, how did you not kill him?"
Carlos: "Well, I wanted to at first but hey, we're all human, right? You gotta forgive and forget."
Victor: "You're a very understanding man. If she pulled something like that on me, that guy wouldn't be around for long,"
Carlos: "Yeah, but no woman's worth going to jail for, right?"
Victor: "If you have enough money, it's not that hard to make someone disappear."
Gabrielle comes downstairs.
Victor: "Let's go, honey."
Gabrielle: "Bye Carlos."
She winks at Carlos as she leaves.
BREE'S HOUSE
Bree is unhooking the DVD player.
Orson: "Honey, we really have to go."
Bree: "It will just take a few seconds. It's all these damn cords."
Orson: "Sweetheart, it's a long drive."
Bree: "It's the only thing she asked for."
The phone rings. Orson answers.
Orson:: "Hello. Hello Doctor. How is she? Oh, thank god."
Bree begins to cry. Orson helps her off the floor and she cries on Orson's shoulder.
LYNETTE'S HOUSE
Lynette and Tom enter. Stella is on the couch reading.
Stella: "Kids are all tucked in. They're sleeping like angels."
Tom: "Great. Did you put Quaaludes in their cocoa?"
Lynette: "Could you check on them for me, please?"
Tom goes upstairs.
Stella: "So how was the party?"
Lynette: "You drugged me."
Stella: "Ah, just a little."
Lynette: "What is wrong with you? I told you I didn't want any pot!"
Stella: "Before you slap me around, let me ask you something. Do you feel better?"
Lynette: "That's not the point. And what were you thinking using my son as a drug mule."
Stella: "He didn't know what was going on. And why are you making such a big deal about it?"
Lynette: "Let me ask you something. Do you remember what I wore to the Junior Prom or what part I had in the play that year?"
Stella: "Who remembers that stuff?"
Lynette: "Parents who weren't stoned. My whole childhood passed in a blur because you were medicating yourself. Pot when you were sick, booze when you weren't. I am not going to do that. I won't miss a second of my kids lives. Not if I can avoid it."
Stella: "Well, I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. You're a mom. You know there's nothing worse than watching your kids suffer. And seeing you act all goofy watching that cartoon, well, it was probably the high point of my trip."
Lynette: "I get it. But if you ever pull something like this again."
Stella: "I won't."
Lynette: "Okay. Well, I think I'll turn in."
Lynette takes the bowl of chips and walks to the stairs.
Stella: "Yenta."
Lynette: "What?"
Stella: "Junior year. You were Yenta in "Fiddler on the Roof."
Lynette: "You remembered."
Stella: "Yea, there are some performances so bad even alcohol can't block em out."
BREE'S FRONT PORCH
Bree is sitting. Susan walks up.
Susan: "Bree? Can we call a truce? Please? So you know I'm not bluffing I brought cake."
Bree takes one of the cakes.
Bree: "I'm so sorry that I snapped at you tonight."
Susan: "It's okay. I just wanna know what's going on. Ever since you've been pregnant there's like this wall between us. It's like something's changed and I don't know why. Did I do something to offend you?"
Bree: "It's not about you I've just been going through some things."
Susan: "Like what? I mean come on just tell me. We share everything."
Bree: "Okay, um, I haven't told anybody this but it's about the baby. There have been some complications.
Susan: "Oh no. Is everything okay?"
Bree: "Yeah. Everything's fine. But there was a time when I thought I might lose it."
Susan: "Oh my god. And there I was just bugging you about your doctor. I am so sorry. You should have just told me."
Bree: "No, you're pregnant too and I'm not going to tell you anything that's gonna worry you."
Susan: "Oh, are you kidding? It's the first baby I've had in seventeen years. You know, I could not possibly be more freaked out. This morning I caught Mike building a crib."
Bree: "No! This early?"
Susan: "Yeah! I wanted to scream, 'Are you nuts, do you just want to jinx it?"
Bree: "This is what we get for having kids at our age. Anxiety, terror."
Susan: "It's just going to get worse. Do you know when our babies go to college, we'll be like..."
Bree: "Dead!"
Susan: "If we're lucky. Look at us. Pregnant gals, eating cake and bitchin'. It's kinda nice, huh?"
Bree: "It really is.
KATHERINE'S HOUSE
Katherine is up in the locked room moving boxes. Adam walks in.
Adam: "What are you doing?"
Katherine: "The hospital called. My aunt's ready to come home.:
Adam: "And you want her to stay in here?"
Katherine: "Yeah. I think making this room off limits was a mistake. If I want Dillon to focus on other things I really need to make it less intriguing. "
Adam: "Speaking of intriguing what were you thinking last night?"
Katherine: "What?"
Adam: "Come on the worst thing a father could do? You realize what people are going to think?"
Katherine: "Yeah, they're going to be very uncomfortable and uncomfortable people don't ask questions."
WISTERIA LANE - DAY
Children are playing on the sidewalk.
"All children love games. But children grow up and then they find new games to play,"
LYNETTE'S YARD
"They pretend to be well so their family's won't worry."
Lynette is sitting in the yard and her mother brings her a bowl of food.
EDIE'S PORCH
Carlos kisses Edie as he goes off to work.
"They lie to their lovers about where they go in the afternoon."
BREE'S FRONT YARD
Bree is getting the mail when Susan walks up and tries to hug her.
Bree: "Oh."
Bree drops the mail to distract Susan.
"They invent stories to hide the truth from their friends."
KATHERINE'S HOUSE
Katherine is sitting on the throw rug in the middle of the locked room.
"Yes, everyone has fun playing games."
Katherine reaches for the corner of the rug. There is a deep gash in the floor under the rug.
"Right up until the moment someone gets hurt."
Katherine begins crying and touches the gash in the floor.
The End
