Mary Alice: "It had been two months since Mike Delfino had awakened from his coma, and the memories he had lost were finally starting to return. He could now recall the first time he saw Wisteria Lane...and the first time he met his new neighbors... and the first time he heard Susan Mayer laugh. But the memory he most wanted to reclaim still eluded him. That's why he had gone to see a hypnotherapist, so that he could finally remember everything."
Mike is lying on a couch in a hypnotherapist's office. His eyes are closed.
FLASHBACK - MONIQUE'S HOUSE
Monique opens the door to her house, wearing lingerie underneath an untied robe. Mike is standing on her porch, holding his plumber's tools.
Monique: "I thought you'd never get here."
Mike: "I'm sorry. The traffic was terrible."
Monique lets him in, then notices that her robe is open. She closes it.
Monique: "Sorry about that. I called my landlord when the pipe started leaking, and he recommended you. I was so flustered, I couldn't find a piece of paper. I wrote your number on my hand. After you finish the sink, maybe you could help me wash it off."
Mike: "Look...I'm flattered, but I'm seeing somebody."
Monique: "Me, too. But he's married, and I'm drunk."
Later, Mike finishes looking at the sink.
Mike: "Well, your s-trap is cracked. I don't have one with me. I'll have to go to a hardware store."
Monique: "Now? It's late."
Mike: "Yeah, well, that water's just gonna keep seeping, cause a lot more damage. I'll, uh, be back in an hour."
Monique: "I'll be waiting."
Later, Mike returns to Monique's house. The front door is open a little bit. Mike enters.
Mike: "Ms. Polier? I've, uh... got that part for the sink. Hello?"
He walks into the kitchen and sees two gloved hands start to pull themselves up from the floor from the other side of the counter in the middle of the kitchen.
PRESENT DAY
In the hypnotherapist's office, Mike's eyes open.
Therapist: "What happened, Mike?"
Mike: "I almost had it. I was so close."
Therapist: "Close to what?"
Mike: "When I went back to Monique's place, somebody else was there."
Therapist: "Who?"
Mike: "I don't know. I couldn't see it."
Mary Alice: "Yes, there were still many things Mike Delfino couldn't remember..."
Therapist: "Then why are you smiling?"
Mary Alice: "But he'd finally remembered the most important thing of all."
Mike: "'Cause now I know I didn't kill her."
OPENING CREDITS
BREE'S HOUSE
Bree sits up in bed, watching Orson sleep next to her.
Mary Alice: "It was six o'clock in the morning, and Bree Hodge was faced with a dilemma familiar to countless housewives. Should she wake her husband to discuss recent events that were weighing heavily on her mind? Or should she left him continue to get the rest he needed? Bree made the obvious choice."
She takes a glass of water and tosses the water onto his face. Orson wakes up.
Bree: "I'm sorry, but you've been out cold for ten hours, and we need to talk."
Later, Orson is more awake.
Orson: "I remember drinking the scotch and then Alma suddenly sitting up. But after that, nothing."
Bree: "Oh, dear. I'm not sure how to tell you this, but...after Alma knocked you out, she assaulted you."
Orson: "Where?"
Bree: "Sexually. She had sex with you."
Orson: "But that's impossible."
Bree: "Your drink was laced with pills for...erectile dysfunction."
Orson: "But I was dead to the world."
Bree: "No, dear, you were dead to the waist."
Orson: "I had sex with Alma, and I wasn't even conscious? How reminiscent of our marriage."
Bree: "Okay, this is no joke. She raped you, and your mother helped. Look, after we get dressed, we're going to the police."
Orson: "I can't do that."
Bree: "Orson, I know you're embarrassed, but what they did to you was a crime."
Orson: "No, I can't go to the police. Not now, not ever."
Bree: "Orson, your ex-wife is a homicidal rapist, and your mother is straight out of "I, Claudius." Why do you refuse to deal with them?"
Orson: "I think it's time I told you about the night Monique Polier died."
SUSAN'S HOUSE
Julie is in Susan's room as Susan tries to pick out clothing.
Susan: "What do you think of this one?"
Julie: "Pretty sexy. Is sexy what you're going for at the funeral of your boyfriend's wife?"
Susan: "You're right. I'll keep looking."
Julie: "Why are you even going? Won't it be weird?"
Susan: "No, it'll be fine. Ian wants me there."
Julie: "Yeah, but it'll be all of Jane's friends and family, and you'll be the other woman who swooped in like some..."
Susan: "Okay, yes, it'll be weird. But it's not about me. This is about Jane and Ian. What if I wore this one?"
Julie: "Then it'll be about Jane, Ian, and your boobs."
Susan: "I have got to get more depressing clothes. Okay, I just need to keep a low profile through the memorial, 'cause once I get through this, Ian can officially introduce me as his girlfriend, and we'll finally be a normal, non-adulterous couple. What does this one say to you?"
Julie: "Modest, reserved and definitely not dating the dead lady's husband."
Susan: "Sold."
DEPARTMENT STORE
Gabrielle and Zach are wandering around a department store, looking at various items.
Zach: "I'm not gonna get you towels for your birthday. Let's go to the jewelry department."
Gabrielle: "No, Zach, I only accept jewelry from men I plan on sleeping with."
Zach: "Well, okay, so where does that leave me?"
Gabrielle: "You can buy me that toilet seat cover."
Zach: "Fine. All right, we're just friends. Can I at least take you out for a birthday dinner?"
Gabrielle: "There will be no celebration. I'm turning thirty-one. I'm a single woman in her thirties. I now have to subscribe to "Cat Fancy." It's the law."
Zach: "Age is just a number. It doesn't mean anything."
Gabrielle: "It means something to me. Being alone at this age, it's hard, and it's only gonna get harder. I'm so depressed."
Zach: "Let me buy you a car."
Gabrielle: "No, thanks. But I do need a, uh, liquid soap dispenser. Go."
Zach wanders off. Gabrielle is near a display bed, so she lies down on it. A man comes over and begins looking at the bed, but he doesn't notice Gabrielle at first.
Gabrielle: "Hello."
Man: "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you. I was just trying to see whether or not this was a regular king or a California king."
Gabrielle: "Well, I think it's a regular. California kings are much longer. Is your...wife particularly tall?"
Man: "Oh, I'm, uh, I'm not married."
Gabrielle: "Oh. Well, why don't you try it out?"
Man: "That's okay. I can wait till you get off."
Gabrielle: "Oh, that'll happen a lot faster if you just hop on board."
Man: "I'm sorry?"
Gabrielle: "It was a...shameless sex joke. I was flirting with you."
Man: "Oh! Right! Sorry, I can be a little dense. Can we start over?"
Gabrielle: "No. Moment's gone. You killed it."
Man: "Uh, look, you know, I'm in a bit of a hurry, but maybe we can try this again sometime."
Gabrielle: "It could happen."
Zach returns.
Zach: "Hey, sorry I took so long."
Man: "Mr. Young?"
Gabrielle: "Oh. You know my friend Zach?"
Zach: "No, I don't think so."
Luke: "I'm Luke...Purdue? I'm on your legal team. I'm taking point on talverson deal."
Zach: "Yeah, right. Hey."
Luke: "Again, it was nice meeting you." (to Zach) "Sir."
Luke leaves.
Zach: "That was really weird. I don't even know the guy, and he works for me."
Gabrielle: "Works for me, too."
BREE'S HOUSE
Bree and Orson are still in their bedroom.
Orson: "Bree..."
Bree: "Please don't touch me. All this time, you've said you wanted the truth. That's before I knew what it was."
Orson: "You see, that's why I've tried to protect you from this."
Bree: "Yeah, but you weren't just trying to protect me, were you?"
Orson: "What do you want me to do?"
Bree: "Exonerate Mike. How could you stand by and let an innocent man be dragged off to prison?"
Orson: "You think I haven't felt terrible?"
Bree: "And this, after he'd been in a coma because some lunatic ran him over."
Orson: "He has had a rough year. I wanna help Mike. How do I do that without implicating myself? I could go to jail."
Bree: "I don't care if you go to jail. You have done a horrible thing, and you have to make it right. I mean it, Orson. If you don't fix this, I will."
Orson: "Well, I guess I'm in no position to argue."
Bree: "No, you're not."
Meanwhile, Andrew had overheard their conversation from the hallway. Orson opens the bedroom door and Andrew rushes to the end of the hall as though he had just been coming around the corner.
Orson: "Morning, Andrew."
Andrew: "Hey, Orson. I was just gonna ask if you guys wanted some coffee."
Orson: "Yeah. Thanks. I could use some. It's gonna be a long day."
WISTERIA LANE
Tom buys one of the twins an ice cream from the ice cream truck. Lynette walks over to them and takes away the ice cream.
Twin: "Mom!"
Lynette: "Dinner is in an hour. You know the rules." (to Tom) "And so do you."
Tom: "I know, I know, but he gave me the face."
Lynette: "You fell for the face. What are you, a rookie?"
Tom: "Okay, you're right. Sorry, buddy. Mom's the boss."
The twin turns to Lynette and makes a sad-looking face.
Lynette: "I feel nothing."
Lynette and the twin go inside. Tom starts to follow them, but Edie comes up to him.
Tom: "Hi, Edie."
Edie: "Hey, Tom. How's the restaurant going? You ready for the big opening?"
Tom: "Oh, we're getting there. Let me give you a coupon. Free extra topping on any medium or large."
Edie: "How nice. But you know what would be even nicer? Hire my nephew to work for you."
Tom: "You know, the coupon's good all week."
Edie: "Look, I don't know what lies you've heard about Austin, but you can't be listening to vicious gossip."
Tom: "I heard he got arrested for beating some guy up."
Edie: "Okay, that one's pretty accurate."
Tom: "Edie, I'm all staffed up."
Edie: "Come on! Help me out. Seriously, ever since Julie dumped him, he's been depressed and mopey. He's driving me crazy. Please, any crappy job you got."
Tom: "Well, I guess I could use an extra guy in back. Have him there tomorrow, eight o'clock in the morning."
Edie: "Thank you. Thank you so, so much."
She starts to walk away.
Tom: "Uh, Edie, you forgot your coupon."
Edie: "Tom, please. You've checked out my butt enough times to know that I don't eat pizza."
GABRIELLE'S HOUSE
Gabrielle opens her front door to find Zach standing on the porch. He comes inside. She continues putting on earrings.
Gabrielle: "Zach!"
Zach: "I know. You said you wanted to be alone for your birthday, but, uh, that's just dumb, so I'm gonna take you out."
Gabrielle: "Oh, that's so sweet, but I, uh..."
Zach: "Don't worry. It's just gonna be one friend keeping another friend company. It's not gonna be a date."
Gabrielle: "Oh, well, um, Luke's gonna be here in twenty minutes, and that kind of will be a date."
Zach: "Luke? That's, uh...my lawyer guy?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah. That isn't a problem, is it? 'Cause this is what friends do. They talk about each other's dates."
Zach: "No, I'm cool. Have a great time. Uh, I'm gonna get out of your hair. So you think this guy's really into you?"
Gabrielle: "Well, he seemed to like me in the mattress department, so here's hoping I like him the mattress department. What? Friends say these things."
ALMA'S HOUSE
Orson goes over to Alma's house. Both Alma and Gloria are there.
Alma: "Orson."
Orson: "Oh, well, I'm in luck. The whole coven's here. I just stopped by to say thank you."
Alma: "Mm...you're welcome. I bought a pregnancy test, but it's too soon to take it."
Orson: "I wasn't talking about the sex. Though hats off, mother, for colluding in my rape. I think it's great that we can still surprise each other. No, I was talking more about what you did for me and Bree."
Alma: "What did I do?"
Orson: "Your little stunt made her so angry, she demanded we go the police. She forced my hand, so I told her everything."
Gloria: "Everything? That is rather unwise."
Orson: "I faced my worst fear, the moment I felt sure would end my marriage, and guess what? It didn't."
Alma: "She forgave you?"
Orson: "Not entirely. Not yet. But she'll come around. The good news is, the months of dread, the fear of discovery...that's all over. So thank you...and good-bye."
Alma: "Wait! I could be carrying your child!"
Orson: "I don't care if you've got the Hodge septuplets in there. I'm sticking with Bree."
He leaves.
Gloria: "Why must he make everything so difficult?"
TOM'S RESTAURANT
Andrew finishes mopping the floor as Lynette walks by.
Andrew: "Oh, uh, floor's done."
Lynette: "I told you I wanted this floor to sparkle like your Mom's. Now does this floor look Bree Hodge clean to you?"
Andrew: "Uh...no. It looks Andrew Van De Kamp clean. But your disappointment in me is very Bree Hodge."
Lynette: "Okay, just for that, you get to help me take out the trash. I know you think I'm being a hard-ass, But I'm just looking for a basic level of professionalism that..."
They go out back and find Austin smoking a joint with another guy. The guy leaves when Lynette and Andrew show up.
Lynette: "Austin? What the hell's going on here?"
Austin: "Just, uh, just talking to the delivery guy. Hey, where'd he go?"
Lynette: "Are you high?"
Austin: "Only...totally."
Lynette: "Austin!"
Andrew: "Dude, not smart."
Austin: "But I have good reason, and when you hear it, you're not gonna make that face anymore. Julie Mayer dumped me, and I'm very...very upset. Your face is not changing."
Lynette: "Get your stuff. Get the hell out of my restaurant. You're fired. Go on."
Andrew: "Floor's looking pretty clean right now, isn't it?"
ALMA'S HOUSE
Alma and Gloria are talking.
Alma: "You said he'd come back to me. You said deep down, he still loves me. Well, you heard him today. He hates me!"
Gloria: "You ravished him against his will. He's bound to be touchy in the short run. I'll handle Orson. You just worry about the baby."
Alma: "He said he doesn't care."
Gloria: "He says that now, but he will not abandon his own flesh and blood."
Alma: "You're his flesh and blood. He put you in a home."
Gloria: "You know, I usually don't say this to expectant mothers, but for God sake, have a scotch."
Alma: "I should just call the police."
Gloria: "What?"
Alma: "I know what he did. If he's never gonna love me, why should I protect him? I'd rather see him in jail than playing house with tammy tightass."
Gloria: "Knock it off, Alma. I will make Orson come around."
Alma: "I don't believe you anymore. She's got her claws in him, and she's not letting go."
Gloria: "Don't be so sure. I was looking over at their house last night, and I saw something very...curious."
Alma: "What?"
Gloria: "You can't see it down here. We need to be up higher."
They go up to the attic. Alma enters first.
Alma: "How can you see anything from here? There's not even a window."
Gloria closes the door and locks Alma in the attic.
Alma: "Gloria? Gloria?!"
Gloria: "Just calm down, sweetheart."
Alma: "Gloria, let me out!"
Gloria: "Stress isn't good for the baby."
Alma: "What are you doing?! Gloria?!"
Gloria walks away.
FUNERAL PARLOR
Susan walks in and goes up to Ian, who is greeting people as they enter.
Susan: "So how are you holding up?"
Ian: "Better, now that you're here."
He leans in to kiss her. She stops him.
Susan: "Oh! No, I wanna, um, keep a low profile."
Ian: "But I've kissed a hundred lips today. I assure you, it would look more conspicuous if I didn't."
He kisses her and after a few seconds, she pushes him away.
Susan: "Okay, that's enough."
She goes into the seating area and sits in the back. A woman goes up to Ian and hugs him. As she and Ian talk, Susan can't seem to help but eavesdrop.
Lynn: "Ian, oh, you must be shattered. I know I am."
Ian: "Thanks for coming, Lynn."
Lynn: "You know, Jane used to kid me about you."
Ian: "Huh. Did she?"
Lynn: "She'd say, "Lynn, if anything ever happens to me, I want you to marry Ian. You're pushy. Maybe you can get him to pick up his socks. " Listen, um, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. Why don't you stop over some night for a home-cooked meal?"
Ian: "Oh, that...that's very kind of you, but I wouldn't dream of putting you out."
Lynn: "Well, I won't take no for an answer. Have you got my number?"
Susan rolls her eyes.
Susan: "I sure as hell do."
Ian: "Well, I'm sure I'll find it in Jane's phone book."
Lynn: "Let me give it to you, just in case. Call anytime."
Lynn walks into the seating area and Susan trips her.
Susan: "Oops. Watch yourself."
Lynn looks at her.
MIKE'S HOUSE
Mike is talking with Carlos.
Mike: "So I was there on a plumbing job. It makes complete sense. I had no reason to want her dead."
Carlos: "I always thought hypnotherapy was a bunch of bull, but damn. This is huge, man. You didn't kill anyone. The murderer has to be this yellow gloves guy."
Mike: "Yeah, but no matter how much I concentrate, I still can't see a face."
Carlos: "Ah, you will. Look at the progress that you've made so far. You're gonna find this guy, and then you're gonna hand his ass over to the cops."
Mike: "Yeah...something like that."
FUNERAL PARLOR
Lynn sits down in the row in front of Susan and begins talking with the woman next to her.
Lynn: "Hey, guys."
Woman: "Well, Ian seems to be holding up."
Lynn: "It's just a mask. The man is devastated. Tomorrow night, I'm gonna swing by his place to offer him a casserole and a shoulder to cry on."
Woman: "Will that shoulder be wearing a spaghetti strap, and Chanel number five?"
Lynn: "You know me so well. Oh, look at him. Even in mourning, the man is scrumptious."
Susan: "I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but don't you think your conversation is a little inappropriate? I mean, we're here to grieve, not cruise."
Lynn: "I'm sorry, and you are..."
Susan: "Susan Mayer. I'm... a friend of the family."
Lynn: "Then you know how lonely Ian's been. And if I want to do something about that, it's no business of yours."
Susan: "Look, just to save you the embarrassment, Ian's seeing someone."
Lynn: "Who?"
Susan: "I'm not at liberty to say. Under the circumstances, they'd prefer to keep it quiet. I don't believe it. If there was some bimbo in the picture, I'd have heard about it. Lynn: As far as I'm concerned, he's free meat."
Susan: "Okay, it's me."
Lynn: "What?"
Susan: "I'm the bimbo. He's my meat. All righty. I just wanted to clear that up. And now I'm going to go find myself a seat with a...better view."
She moves to a different row.
TOM'S RESTAURANT
The teenage employees, including Austin, are sitting around one of the tables as Tom talks to them.
Tom: "Here are your W-4s. Please sign them and get them back to me as soon as possible. Also, I'm gonna need a copy..." (to Lynette, who has just walked in) "hi, of your driver's license."
Lynette: "Austin?"
Austin: "Yeah?"
Lynette: "What are you doing here? I fired you."
Austin: "Well, Mr. Scavo gave me my job back."
Lynette: "Hey! You hired him back? Did he tell you he was stoned on the job?"
Tom: "Yeah, and he knows if he does again, he's outta here. So I wanted..."
Lynette: "Look, I don't know what kind of hustle you pulled on him, but it's not gonna work on me."
Tom: "Lynette."
Lynette: "No, I fired him, and you are gonna stay fired."
Tom: "Honey, can I see you in the back for a sec?"
They go into the back.
Tom: "What the hell are you doing, talking to me like that in front of my staff?"
Lynette: "Well, I'm sorry, but you totally blindsided me out there."
Tom: "No, I was the one who was blindsided. You just went off on me without hearing what my reasons were."
Lynette: "Well, I'm sorry. Let's hear them. What are your reasons for bringing back Joe Bong hit?"
Tom: "I'll tell you if you drop that tone and stop making that face."
Lynette: "What is..."
Tom: "This was a business decision. In case you hadn't noticed, and hadn't, until the waitresses pointed it out to me, Austin is hot. He's gonna bring in every girl from Fairview high And half the boys in the chorus. What's more, Edie is gonna include our menu in the welcome packet she gives to new homeowners. I'm not sure she'd feel so generous If we fired her nephew. Those reasons working for ya?"
Lynette: "Yeah. I just wish you'd told me before you rehired him. I mean, I am the manager."
Tom: "Right...But I'm the boss."
Lynette: "Well, kinda."
Tom: "No, no. Not kind of. Really. I'm the boss."
Lynette: "You pulling rank on me?"
Tom: "Look, at home, you get to be in charge, and you decide how we discipline the boys, what car we buy, everything."
Lynette: "I consult you."
Tom: "Oh, sure, and if you disagree, you ignore me. Look, when I go home, basically, I check my balls at the door, and that's fine. It works. But for this to work, when you walk through that door, you gotta check yours."
Lynette: "Okay."
Tom: "Really?"
Lynette: "Really. This place is your dream, so...consider them checked."
Tom: "Thanks. Now I need you to do just one more thing."
Lynette: "Whatever you say...boss."
Later, Tom and Lynette are back out front in front of the other employees. Lynette's back is to them as Tom faces them, yelling at Lynette.
Tom: "I don't care if you think you know what's best! You don't! I do, because I'm the boss, and what I say goes."
Lynette (whispering): "Yeah, that's it. Give it to me."
Tom: "So when I make a decision, it stays made! You got that, Lynette?"
Lynette: "Yes, sir." (whispers) "Okay, that's enough."
Tom (whispering): "No, just one more." (raises his voice again) "And if I want your opinion, I'll ask for it! But I probably won't, because I'm the boss! Are we clear?"
Lynette (whispering): "Seriously, stop or I will hurt you."
Tom: "Okay, I've made my point. Anybody needs me, I'll be in the back...drinking a beer."
He leaves and Lynette turns back to the employees. She gives a small shrug.
GABRIELLE'S HOUSE
Luke and Gabrielle are eating dinner together.
Luke: "This is delicious."
Gabrielle: "Don't get too full. You have to leave room for dessert."
Luke: "What are we having?"
Gabrielle: "Well, let's just say it's going to be served upstairs and involves whipped cream."
Luke: "Is it pudding?"
Gabrielle: "No."
Luke: "Oh! You're flirting. Okay. Do it again. I swear I'll get it."
Gabrielle: "It's okay. Do you want some coffee?"
Luke: "You bet I want coffee...nice and hot and..."
Gabrielle: "Just finish your soup, and we'll get naked."
The doorbell rings. Gabrielle answers it.
Man: "Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Solis. I work with Luke. Is he available?"
Luke: "Charles? What are you doing here?"
Charles: "You forgot to initial some pages on the Halverson contract."
Luke: "Can't this wait?"
Charles: "The market's already open in Tokyo."
Gabrielle comes up to them.
Gabrielle: "Uh, go ahead. I'm gonna open some more wine."
Luke begins flipping through the papers that Charles brought. One of the pages has a note written on it that says "Gabrielle is mine sleep with her and you're FIRED! Leave, but don't make it obvious."
Charles: "Mr. Young wants to make sure you understand that last part. Do you?"
Luke: "Yeah. I get it."
FUNERAL PARLOR
Priest: "So when we think of Jane, let us remember her kind heart and her loving spirit. And now if there's someone who'd like to share a special memory of our dear friend?"
Lynn: "I would. Hi. I'm Lynn Dean. Jane and I were sorority sisters. If she were here, she'd make me sing our pledge song, but I think there's already been enough grief for one day. Now I know how badly we've all felt for Ian during his long, lonely vigil. I'm sure you'll be as happy as I was to learn his vigil wasn't quite so lonely after all."
Susan: "Oh, dear God."
Lynn: "No, he found a warm, caring woman to share his burden...and so much else."
Ian turns around to look at Susan, who waves weakly to him.
Lynn: "Some people might find the fact that she's here today...inappropriate."
Susan gets up and tries to leave inconspicuously.
Lynn: "But I think she's a hero. She dared to brave the scorn of those who might find her actions questionable or even unsavory. I was gonna ask her to stand, but I see she already has. Susan Mayer, say hello."
Susan: "Hey."
GABRIELLE'S HOUSE
Luke quickly spears several pieces of meat onto his fork and shoves them into his mouth.
Gabrielle: "Guess someone's in a hurry to get on with the evening."
Luke: "Yeah. Well, I should go."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Luke: "I have a lot more work to do on that Halverson deal. Sorry."
Gabrielle: "But can't it wait till after dessert? And by dessert, I mean sex. You are clear on that, right?"
Luke: "Painfully, but my job's at stake here. I really don't have much of a choice."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I think you've got lots of choices. "Here's one of them."
She pulls his head down and kisses him. From across the street, Zach sits in his car, watching them. He dials a number on his cell phone and Luke's phone rings. He answers it while Gabrielle continues to kiss him on his neck.
Luke: "Hello?"
Zach: "What do you think you're doing?"
Luke: "What?"
Zach: "I gave you an order, and I expect you to follow it. Now get out of there. I'm trying, sir. It's just that I'm meeting some resistance to the plan...we've agreed on. Okay, she's not letting you leave? That's fine. Here's what I want you to say."
Luke: "Okay, I'll give that a shot, sir."
He hangs up.
Gabrielle: "Is that your office?"
Luke: "Yeah, they, uh, they really need me over there."
Gabrielle: "Okay. So come back when you're done. I'll wait up."
Luke: "I can't. No, I really can't."
Gabrielle: "What is with you?! An hour ago, you we really into me, and now you can't get out fast enough."
Luke: "Okay. Truth? I thought I could do this, but I can't. I'm just not attracted to you."
Gabrielle: "Of course you are!"
Luke: "No. See...I really only date women in their twenties."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Luke: "Sorry. You're too old for me."
Moments later, Gabrielle has literally kicked Luke out of her house.
Gabrielle: "I still got a lot of kick for an old broad, don't I?!"
Zach smiles.
OUTSIDE BREE'S HOUSE - NIGHTTIME
Bree takes out the trash. She turns around and notices a ladder leaning against her house, with a small black bag near the top of it. she begins climbing the ladder. She steps on the final rung of the ladder to grab the back, and the rung breaks. She falls to the ground. Orson and Bree rush outside to her.
Andrew: "Mom? Mom? Mom, are you all right?"
Orson: "Don't move her. She might have broken something."
He pulls out his cell phone and dials 911.
Orson: "Yes, we need an ambulance, please, at forty-three fifty-four Wisteria Lane. My wife's had a bad fall. Please hurry."
He hangs up. Andrew opens up the bag that Bree had reached for on the ladder and pours a handful of marbles out into his hand. He looks up at Orson.
Andrew: "The hell is this?"
HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
A nurse comes into the waiting room where Andrew and Orson are sitting.
Nurse: "Mrs. Hodge was very lucky. She only suffered a slight concussion. If you have any more questions, the doctor should be back soon."
"Thank you."
The nurse leaves.
Orson: "Thank God. I was so worried."
Andrew: "Yeah, I'll bet."
Orson: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Andrew: "I heard you two yesterday. All that stuff about you maybe going to jail."
Orson: "Well, that's none of your business. But if you think I had anything to do with Bree falling..."
Andrew: "I'm not stupid. I know the cops have been all over you about that dead woman, and Mom said for you to fix it, or she would. Is this "accident" how you fixed it?"
Orson: "All right, you're upset. I get it."
Andrew: "No, no, you don't get it. There's a reason my Mom put me out on the street last year. You've never met that guy. You've never met bad Andrew. But hurt my "Mom, and you will."
Orson: "I love your mother. I'm gonna do everything I can to protect her."
Andrew: "Yeah, so am I."
He leaves the room and goes up to the nurse.
Andrew: "Hi. I'm Bree Hodge's son. You see that guy right there? That's her husband. Do not under any circumstances let him be alone with her."
Nurse: "Why?"
Andrew: "Because it's his fault that she's in here. He's a dangerous guy. Now I've warned you. If anything happens to her, you're liable."
He passes by the waiting room on his way out.
Andrew: "Night, Dad."
GABRIELLE'S HOUSE
Zach goes up on the porch and bends over to leave a gift on the welcome mat. As he turns to leave, a tipsy Gabrielle opens the door.
Zach: "Oh, you're home. I thought you'd still be out on your date."
Gabrielle: "Date's over. What do you want?"
Zach: "Oh, I thought since I can't take you out for your birthday, I'd at least leave you a present. Don't worry. It's not expensive."
The gift is a coffee mug with the words "World's Greatest Friend" on it.
Gabrielle: "Ohhh, Zach!"
Zach: "So how'd your date go?"
Later, Gabrielle is leaning on Zach as they relax on the couch. Empty dinner plates sit on the coffee table in front of them.
Zach: "Is he crazy? You're not old."
Gabrielle: "You did not see the look on his face when I tried to kiss him. It's like he was sniffing expired milk."
Zach: "That's ridiculous. You're gorgeous, and you're just gonna get prettier every year."
Gabrielle: "Ah, that's so sweet...but it's a lie. Every tick of the clock takes away something. Zach, what am I gonna do when I'm not pretty anymore?"
Zach: "That's never gonna happen."
Gabrielle: "I'm gonna take a little nap, okay? Just for a minute."
She closes her eyes and falls asleep against him.
Zach: "Take as long as you like."
He gently strokes her hair.
FUNERAL PARLOR
Ian walks into the embalming room, where Susan is huddled up against the wall. Two dead bodies are on tables in the room.
Ian: "Susan, I've looked everywhere for you. I didn't think to start with the, um...embalming room."
Susan: "Yeah. I'll be having night terrors from now on...which I deserve."
Ian: "Look, no one is judging you. If anything, they're judging that dreadful Lynn. I should be thanking you for driving her away. It usually takes a crucifix and some garlic."
Susan: "I'm so sorry I ruined Jane's funeral."
Ian: "No, you didn't."
Susan: "Yes, I did. It's just..."
Ian: "What?"
Susan: "I thought after we got through this really...painful day, things would start to get better. I thought I could be more a part of your world. Now all your friends and family are just gonna think of me as the crazy lady from Jane's funeral. Oh, God. Oh, Ian. Okay, this is not supposed to be about me. You should be upstairs...saying good-bye. I'm just gonna hide out here with the departed until everybody leaves."
Ian: "No. No more hiding. We have been doing it far too long. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You helped me through the most difficult part of my life. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you."
Susan: "Ian, are you proposing to me?"
Ian: "Well...I guess maybe I...I am."
Susan: "Well, well, uh, before you say another word...take a look around."
Ian: "Ah. Right."
Susan: "I hadn't really thought a lot about this moment, but when I did...the table we were at didn't have a blood gutter."
Ian: "Then may I reopen the subject at a more opportune time and place?"
Susan: "Yes. I accept your proposal to propose."
Ian: "Shall we?"
They leave the embalming room.
THERAPIST'S OFFICE
Mike is lying on the couch again, his eyes closed.
Therapist: "Now I want you to dig deep. If you feel your memory blocked, just count to three, and the block will melt away. It is natural and easy for you to recall anything. Now remember Monique Polier. Remember the night you met her."
FLASHBACK
Mike walks into the house after leaving for the hardware store.
Mike: "Ms. Polier? I've, uh... got that part for the sink. Hello?"
He goes into the kitchen and sees gloved hands pull themselves up from behind a counter. It's Orson.
Orson: "Sorry. Monique's upstairs taking a nap. She wasn't feeling well."
PRESENT DAY
Mike's eyes open.
Therapist: "Mike? Did you see something?"
FLASHBACK
Orson: "I'm her boyfriend. I, uh, figured she'd want to wake up to a clean kitchen."
Mike: "Well, I'll just finish up with the sink and be out of your hair."
Orson: "Why don't you let me take care of the sink? I mean, I'm pretty handy, and it's getting late."
Mike: "I don't mind staying."
Orson: "No, look, it's okay. I got it under control. Here. Well, this should cover what we owe you."
Mike: "Tell Ms. Polier I hope she feels better."
Orson: "Will do. Oh, hey...don't forget your wrench."
He hands Mike the wrench which had been soaking in the sink.
PRESENT DAY
Mike gets up and leaves the therapist's office.
Therapist: "Mike? Where are you going? Mike!"
BREE'S HOUSE
Mike knocks on the front door. Danielle opens it.
Danielle: "Hey, Mr. Delfino."
Mike: "I need to talk to your stepdad."
Danielle: "Orson's not here. He went to the hospital with my Mom."
Mike turns and leaves. Danielle calls after him.
Danielle: "She's fine! Thanks for asking!"
Mike drives away.
HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM
Nurse: "Mr. Hodge? You're wife's just sleeping. I suggest you go home and do the same."
Orson: "I will."
Nurse: "You're okay?"
Orson: "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just, uh...there was a time where we were all so happy. I just can't seem to remember it anymore."
HOSPITAL ROOF PARKING
Orson walks to his car.
Mary Alice: "Recapturing the past is a tricky business. While most memories are simply souvenirs of a happier time..."
Mike steps out from behind a car.
Mike: "Hey, there."
Mary Alice: "...others can be quite deadly."
Orson: "Hey, Mike. What brings you to the hospital?"
Mike: "I've been seeing an hypnotherapist. She's helping me fill the gaps of my memory."
Orson: "How is it going?"
Mike: "It's working."
Orson suddenly runs across several cars while Mike follows on the ground. When Orson reaches the last car, he jumps to the ground and Mike grabs him. They fight, punching each other. At one point, Orson pushes Mike away from him, but the momentum causes Orson to lose his balance and he falls over the side of the building.
The End
TO BE CONTINUED...
