SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE
Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on Desperate Housewives
[INT – Mayer House – Kitchen – Day]
(Sophie and Susan are making dinner)
Sophie: I left Morty
(Susan turns around shocked at what her mother said)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Susan’s mother left quite an impression
[EXT – Car Park of Morty’s Restaurant – Day]
(Susan turns around to look out the restaurant window at her mother and Morty’s attempt at reconciliation – where Sophie ends up biting him on the arm)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Bree made a secret commitment
[INT – Pharmacy – Day]
George: He’s not going to let us be friends
Bree: Who says he has to know how I spend my free time?
Mary Alice Voiceover: Gabrielle made a discovery
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom - Day]
(Gabrielle hits her birth control pills and finds they’ve been tampered with)
[EXT – Solis House – Garden – Day]
(Gabrielle walks up to Carlos and slaps him across the face)
Gabrielle: I am pregnant and it is all your fault
Mary Alice Voiceover: Tom made a mistake
[INT – Peterson’s – Tom’s Office – Day]
(Tom is in the very awkward situation of having his jealous wife watching him with his playful ex-girlfriend)
[INT – Scavo House – Kitchen – Night]
Lynette: You hired your old girlfriend and you didn’t tell me for three months?
Mary Alice Voiceover: And Susan made an appointment….
[INT – Mayer House – Drawing Board – Day]
(Susan flicks through the Yellow Pages)
[INT – Hafts Detective Agency – Day]
Susan: Do you think you can help me?
PI: As a matter of fact, I know I can
End of Recap
[INT – Mayer House – Sophie’s Bedroom – Night]
(Sophie is sat cross legged on a chair in her bedroom thinking about the past. She’s looking at her old engagement rings which are kept in a box and she looks very sad)
Mary Alice Voiceover: When she was younger, Sophie Bremner was a hopeless romantic. She was also hopelessly naïve, which was how she came to be married four times.
[INT – Casino – Night]
(A smartly dressed man slides an engagement ring across the table to a young Sophie with long straight hair who has her back to us)
Mary Alice Voiceover: The first time to a man who liked to gamble.
[INT – Bar – Night]
(A man dressed in a tacky blue suit slides an engagement ring across the bar to a young Sophie with short curly hair, and then takes a drink)
Mary Alice Voiceover: The second time to a man who liked to drink
[INT – Restaurant – Night]
(A man with long blond hair and a moustache, dressed in a bright shirt open to the chest which reveals a gold medallion slides an engagement ring across the table to a young Sophie with very short hair and gives her a huge smile)
Mary Alice Voiceover: The third time to a man who liked other men
[INT – Bar – Night]
(Ex-husband number 2 slides an engagement ring across the bar to a young Sophie with long curly hair, and then takes a drink)
Mary Alice Voiceover: And the fourth time to the same man she married the second time.
[INT – Mayer House – Sophie’s Bedroom – Night]
(Sophie sadly touches her collection of engagement rings)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Yes, Sophie was tired of having her heart broken. So she decided she would never get married again
(Sophie closes the lid on the box of rings)
Mary Alice Voiceover: And then one night ….
Morty: (offscreen) Sophie!
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….She had visitor
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Outside Mayer House – Night]
(Morty is standing in the Mayer Garden shouting at the house)
Morty: Sophie!
[INT – Mayer House – Sophie’s Bedroom – Night]
(Sophie goes to the window to see whats going on)
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Outside Mayer House – Night]
(Susan opens the door, confused by whats happening)
Susan: Morty? What are you doing?
Morty: I need to talk to Sophie.
Susan: NOW? Are you drunk?
Morty: Just a little bit
(Susan ushers Morty inside)
Morty: How are you?
[INT – Mayer House – Sophie’s Bedroom – Night]
(Sophie is still at the window. She bites her lip wondering whats going on. We see her creep downstairs to listen in on the conversation)
[INT – Mayer House – Living Room – Night]
Morty: I’ve got to speak to Sophie
Susan: Are you crazy? Its one o’clock in the morning. She’s sleeping
Morty: I’m gonna ask her to marry me
Susan: What?
Morty: I thought I could be happy. The restaurant is starting to make money. I just bought a new jet ski. My cholesterol is down. But none of it is any fun without her.
(Shots of Sophie listening at the door, her face lights up at what he says)
Susan: Ah, Morty. I just don’t think its going to happen. She’s moved on. Why don’t you sit down, I’ll call you a cab.
(Sophie enters into the room)
Morty: Sophie
Sophie: (quietly reprimanding him) Your doctor told you not to drink
Morty: Well there are times when you need liquid courage
(Morty hands her the engagement ring. Sophie gushes over it, then recognises it and her face falls)
Sophie: Did this ring belong to Delores?
Susan: You gave her your dead wife’s ring?
Morty: (to Susan) It’s a three carat diamond. She shouldn’t care if its used
Morty: (to Sophie) So what do you say, Soph?
Sophie: Alright
Morty: (excited) Really?!
Susan: (can’t believe it) Really???!!!!
Sophie: Yeah
(Morty goes to hug Sophie, but she stops him)
Sophie: (whispers) But you’ve got to do it officially…you know
(Sophie points down, so that he’ll get down on one knee)
Morty: Oh! Oh, um
(Morty looks to Susan for help – he’s getting on a bit and needs help getting down on one knee - Susan provides a cushion for his knee and something to lean on as he goes down)
Morty: Sophie will you do me the honour of marrying me?
(All through this Sophie is smiling down at him)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Sophie Bremner was still a hopeless romantic….
Sophie: On one condition. Tomorrow we trade this in for a ring of my own and I want a bigger diamond than Delores got.
(Morty looks at Susan behind him – thinking what have I let myself in for. Susan just smiles back at him)
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….But she was no longer naïve.
(While the happy couple gaze happily at each other, Susan has a look on her face that shows she clearly thinks they are crazy)
Opening Credits
(shots of the various couple’s wedding photos)
[Paul and Mary Alice Young’s wedding photo]
Mary Alice Voiceover: Marriage is a simple concept.
[Bree and Rex Van Der Kamp’s wedding photo]
Mary Alice Voiceover: Basically it is a contract between two people ….
[Lynette and Tom Scavo’s wedding photo]
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….That binds them together for life….
[Gabrielle and Carlos Solis’ wedding photo]
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….In the hopes that they can live happily ever after.
[INT – Solis House – Living Room – Day]
Mary Alice Voiceover: Sadly some contracts….
(The shot pans out and we see a plate smash against the wall, and Carlos ducks from the shards)
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….Are meant to be broken
(We see Gabrielle getting ready to hurl another plate in Carlos’ direction)
Carlos: I didn’t mess with your birth control
Gabrielle: Oh really?!
Carlos: Really!
(Gabrielle puts the plate down and shows Carlos the tampered with pill packet)
Gabrielle: Look! Its been pulled apart and glued back together.
Carlos: Its probably a manufacturing defect
Gabrielle: You can still see the glue marks!
Carlos: I’m telling you I didn’t do it
Gabrielle: Don’t insult me Carlos! You’ve been whining about wanting a baby for months. Who else could it have been?
Carlos: Oh….I… (has a brainwave and sees a way to get out of the bad situation) Oh No.
Gabrielle: What?
Carlos: Mama!
Gabrielle: Oh please!
Carlos: Its possible. You buy that stuff in bulk, six months at a time right?
Gabrielle: Yeah, so?
Carlos: Before the accident I told her how much I wanted a child. And she said that she would take care of it. I just thought that she would talk to you. Baby I am so sorry
(cue dramatic music while we pause for a second – will Gabrielle buy his excuse or not?)
Gabrielle: That Bitch! I can’t believe her!
Carlos: I loved her, but even I had issues sometimes. She could be very controlling.
Gabrielle: Reaching out from the grave to screw with me. God she’s good
Carlos: Where are you going?
Gabrielle: I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on and I want to be standing on your mother’s grave when it hits
(Gabrielle puts on her sunglasses and walks out of the house. Carlos sighs with relief and falls backwards on to the sofa)
[INT – Scavo House – Kitchen – Day]
(Lynette is feeding the baby and is looking completely bedraggled. Tom is fusing about getting ready for work)
Tom: Honey, I’m going to be late home tonight. Peterson wants to take a bunch of us out for drinks
Lynette: oh that’s fine. I wanted to talk to you about something
Tom: What?
(car honks outside)
Lynette: That’s your car pool. You’ve got to go, never mind.
Tom: Lynette, what is it?
Lynette: Its nothing
Tom: Okay
Lynette: Its just….
(Tom is about to escape without the talk but stays)
Lynette: We haven’t had sex in ten days. And the longest we’ve ever gone before is nine
(car honks impatiently outside)
Tom: Are you sure? (glances at the door) Didn’t we do it last Thursday?
Lynette: We started to but then *huh* you fell asleep.
Tom: Is this why you’re so worried? Cos we can do it tonight if you want to
Lynette: Whatever
Tom: No. I’ve got ten days pent up in me. We are doing it tonight. You’ve got nothing to worry about.
(goes to leave)
Tom: Oh crap You know what, I forgot my briefcase. Can you tell them I’ll be right there.
(sorry but Lynette is totally deluded if she’s referring to his ex-girlfriend as ‘the car pool’)
Annabel: Hi Lynette, is Tom nearly ready?
Lynette: Yeah, he’s just getting his briefcase
(Annabel’s phone beeps, she stands aside looking totally cool in her gorgeous suit, cleavage showing top and perfect hair as she checks her message, while Lynette stands at the door feeling frumpy)
Tom: Bye
Lynette: Bye
Annabel: Bye (to Lynette as she breezes out the door with her husband)
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Mayer Drive – Day]
(Sophie stands by the car staring at her engagement ring, while Morty is piled up with boxes packing up Sophie’s stuff into the car)
Morty: I got it. I got it
Sophie: (to her daughter and granddaughter) Thank you for having me. I’m going to miss you both so much
(three way hug)
Susan: Us too. The house will seem just empty without you
Julie: Can’t you guys stay just a little bit longer?
Susan: Oh no. No no no. They want to get their new life together started. We don’t want to hold these two crazy kids back (laughs)
(Susan literally opens the car door and puts her mother inside!!)
Susan: Bye Morty
Morty: Listen, I hope its okay, but your mom told me some of the stuff that you’ve been going through with the plumber guy across the street.
Susan: She did huh?
Morty: don’t give up on him. If I had given up I wouldn’t be here now with this lovely lady
Susan: Did she tell you that he served time in prison for manslaughter?
Morty: No. No, she left that part out
Susan: I don’t suppose she told you he was a drug dealer?
Morty: I don’t recall that
Sophie: Will you stop? You don’t know the whole story
Susan: Mother!
Sophie: I went over there and told him how much you love him
Susan: What? What were you thinking?
Julie: (asking the right question) What did he say?
Susan: Yeah, what did he say?
Sophie: I think I walked in on him at a very bad time. Someone close to him had just died
Susan: (sympathetically) Oh god, really?
Sophie: He could use a shoulder to cry on.
(Susan seems torn about what to do)
Sophie: Can I have one more hug. Please? I can’t stand this!
(As the three women hug again, Susan looks over her mother’s shoulder and watches Mike come out of his house to collect his mail)
[INT – Restaurant – Night]
(Bree and George are having dinner in a restaurant)
Bree: mmmh! Oh George, you have GOT to taste this. Its alittle messy but..
(Bree picks up a forkful of her dinner for George to try)
George: Is that fennel seed? Its fantastic
Bree: I don’t know. But anything that good has got to be sinful.
(They both laugh)
George: Isn’t this fun? Trying different dishes, opening the mind to new experiences
Bree: Rex just hates these cooks tours. He likes to stay at home with the same old spaghetti and mug of root beer.
George: So how about this marinara sauce? I think it’s the best I’ve ever had
Bree: I’ve had one better, in Italy.
George: You’ve been to Italy?
Bree: Yes. Rex and I took a vacation there, right before the kids were born. We had so much fun in those first few years. I guess it was easier to be happy back then. I can’t believe I just said that (tries to make a joke out of it) no more wine for me.
George: We should go to Italy
Bree: What?
George: That’d be a hoot. All those museums and cathedrals. Its fantastic for tourists. We could just make pigs of ourselves
Bree: I can’t go on a trip with you George.
George: Why not?
Bree: Because I’m married! People would talk
George: You’re right I’m sorry. It was a bad idea
Bree: Oh don’t worry about it. Here I want you to try one of these clams. I bet they’re as good as the marinara sauce.
(Bree picks up more food on her fork and feeds it to George. As she does this, she spots Edie at another table and waves. Edie’s making suggestive eyes at Bree as if she’s caught her at something she shouldn’t be)
George: You are absolutely right. When its that good, its got to be sinful
(It begins to dawn on Bree how this would appear to other people)
[INT – Scavo House – Living Room – Night]
(The boys are watching TV in the living room. Lynette rushes in and switches off the TV)
Lynette: Okay you boys, its seven o’clock. Time for bed
(protests from the boys)
Parker: why do we have to be in bed so early
Lynette: I told you honey, daddy and I have a special meeting tonight
The boys: Ew!
Lynette: (blows them a kiss) I love you
[INT – Scavo House – Entrance – Night]
(Tom comes home from work, pulls at his tie and checks the mail. Lynette basically jumps on him, hugging him from behind)
Tom: (Surprised) woah!
Tom: Hi
Lynette: Hi (she’s kissing him all over)
Tom: Wow. Okay, this is the tenth day. Honey, just give me a second to let the office wear off.
(Lynette steps back for a second)
Tom: Alright, I’m in.
(They’re all over each other, until Tom suddenly stops)
Lynette: What are you thinking?
Tom: I was just wondering what that smell was
Lynette: Oh. Oh, its probably baby drool
(pulls off her sweater)
Lynette: There, now you have easier access
(falls backwards onto the sofa)
Tom: Incoming (jumps over the sofa to join her)
(They start making out again until Tom stops again, pulling a disgusted face)
Lynette: What?
Tom: Wow, that smell really soaked through didn’t it
Lynette: Yes. It soaked through a little. That is the nature of baby sick. Do you want me to wear a hazmat suit or are you going to be okay?
Tom: No no no. I just like it when you’re all clean and you wear sexy clothes
Lynette: (laughs) I don’t own anything clean (hits him with his tie) or sexy (and again). Everything is either covered in baby spit (and again) or chunks (and again) or covered in crayon (and again)
Tom: Okay okay okay. I’m sorry
Lynette: You make me feel like I just got off the shrimp boat for god’s sake
Tom: Honey, I said I’m sorry. Its just that guys sometimes like it when their women put a little effort into things
(Lynette is really deflated by this)
Tom: Okay. Um. Can we just go back to the kissing thing? Please can we try that?
Lynette: Fine
(They kiss – Lynette wraps her legs around Tom and they’re just getting into it when…)
(Off screen the baby starts crying)
Preston (offscreen): The baby’s up
Lynette: Okay, off!
Parker (offscreen): MOM! MOM!
(Lynette goes to tend to the baby, and Tom lies on the sofa upset that their night isn’t going as planned)
[EXT – PI’s Car – Night]
Paul: Susan Mayer hired you?!
PI: I know. She decided to stop poking around in your life and called me of all people. Lucky for you I’ve got the biggest ad in the phone book.
Paul: What am I going to do?
PI: Run. Pack up your kid and get out of town
Paul: That’s tricky. My son doesn’t want to move. He can be pretty insistent.
PI: Well I can throw her off the scent for a little while
Paul: Fine
PI: Alright then. Tell me exactly what it is you want this woman to believe
[INT – Mayer House – Day]
PI: She was born Angela. When she was a teenager she changed her name to Mary Alice. Now on her application it says that she was named after a relative that she no longer speaks to. Here’s her birth certificate and her Utah petition for a legal name change.
Susan: What about Dana?
PI: There was a record of another child. A girl, Dana Marie Young. She died at 18 months, apparently in some kind of a fall
Susan: It was all true. Everything he said. How could I have been so wrong
PI: Well I’m going to need a cheque
Susan: Oh of course
(goes to fetch her cheque book from her purse)
Susan: Actually, before you go I need you to check into someone else’s background. There’s this plumber I know…
[EXT – Park – Day]
(John is raking up leaves and collecting them in bags when Gabrielle approaches him)
John: Hi did you get my messages?
Gabrielle: Yeah, but I wanted to talk to you in person. I have some potentially upsetting news.
John: Come on Mrs Solis, you can tell me. I can handle it
Gabrielle: I’m pregnant and it might be yours
(John freaks out – kicking over bags of leaves and screaming while Gabrielle tries to stay out of his way. Time passes)
(Gabrielle is now sat on the lawnmower while John stomps around, still freaked out)
John: Man, I can barely afford my new dirt bike. How am I gonna afford child support?
Gabrielle: We don’t even know for sure if its yours so relax. Okay, and I didn’t come here to watch you freak out
John: So why did you come here?
Gabrielle: I wanna make sure you’ll let me protect you
John: From who?
Gabrielle: Um, Carlos? Your parents? John, something like this could ruin your life. That’s why you have to keep quiet about our affair. There’s no point in this catastrophe taking both of us down
John: Thank you
Gabrielle: Forget about it
John: I should’ve worn a condom
Gabrielle: Yeah, that would have been helpful
[INT – Mayer House – Kitchen – Day]
Julie: You hired a private investigator?
Susan: I can’t trust Mike, and I wanted to find out what really happened. From a source that doesn’t have an agenda. Now open it up
Julie: Okay. Are you ready?
Susan: Go
(Julie goes to open the file and start reading)
Susan: Stop
Julie: What?
Susan: If you find out something that’s really bad, just try and put a positive spin on it.
(Julie starts reading and Susan paces back and fore in the background. Time passes)
Julie: Okay. I have some good news and some bad news
Susan: Give me the bad news first
Julie: The guy Mike killed was a cop
Susan: Oh my god! Oh my god!
(Susan’s shocked by this and has her head in her hands. She tries to overcome her feelings to hear the good news and shakes her arms to psyche herself up for the next information)
Susan: Okay, give me the good news
Julie: There is none
Susan: What?
Julie: You told me to spin it. I did the best I could.
Susan: Oh, forget it. Just let me look at it myself
(Susan goes over and starts looking through the file herself. She looks through photocopies of press cuttings with headlines like ‘drug dealer kills cop’ and ‘hundreds mourn for slain officer’. Then she picks up an old picture of Mike in a prisoner’s orange jumpsuit, he’s outside of court and being taken off to jail by cops. In the background we see Noah Taylor and Kendra - his other daughter)
Susan: I don’t believe it.
Julie: What is it?
Susan: I know her (talking about Kendra)
[EXT – Taylor House – Porch – Day]
(Kendra in on the porch and as she looks around she sees her dad and Mike talking on a bridge in the grounds. She goes to confront them)
[EXT – Taylor House – Bridge – Day]
Kendra: Whats going on here?
(the two men know they’ve been caught out)
Kendra: You two just can’t stop can you? Deirdre’s dead. It doesn’t matter who killed her. Just let it go
Mike: Its not that easy Kendra.
Kendra: Why? My sister hated you. Both of you. She said so
Noah: That was the drugs talking
Kendra: (sarcastic) Right, right. “The drugs”. Deirdre humiliated this family and threw our love back in our faces. She knew it and she couldn’t have cared less
Noah: Are you done?
Kendra: No. I want to know what you’re planning
(Noah turns away from his daughter, so Mike steps up and challenges Kendra)
Mike: We’re just talking
Kendra: I don’t believe you
Mike: Then don’t ask
(they stare each other out, and Kendra is the one who blinks first. She looks at her father as if she can’t believe what he’s doing and storms off)
[EXT – Wisteria Lane - Day]
Rex: Of course I don’t want a new cardiologist, but Lee’s been conducting tests for weeks. He should have been able to figure out what is wrong with me by now
Bree: But honey, we socialise with them. What am I going to say to Helen?
Rex: All I know is that I’ve never felt worse. I’ve got to do something
(As Bree’s about to get in the car she sees Edie walking on the other side of the street)
Bree: I um. I have to talk to Edie
Rex: But we’re going to be late
Bree: Oh it’ll just take a second. I need to um, to get a recipe
(Bree runs across the street to talk to Edie)
Bree: Edie! Hi
Edie: Hi,
Bree: I saw you at Alfredo’s yesterday
Edie: Yes, I saw you too. Naughty naughty
Bree: I beg your pardon?
Edie: The guy. The one you were spoon-feeding. Not bad. A little petite for my taste but then again, I’m not the one sleeping with him
Bree: Okay, this is exactly what I was afraid of. George and I are just friends
Edie: Hey, I’m not judging you. I get it. I mean Rex was sticking it to that hooker housewife. Its payback time
Bree: You’ve got the wrong idea. That man is my pharmacist!
Edie: You could have an affair with anyone and you choose a pharmacist? You are such a republican
Bree: I am not having an affair! George and I… we just talk. He’s a very good listener and I share my hopes and dreams with him and my innermost thoughts. And that’s all there is to it, and you have to believe me
Edie: Okay, I believe you
Bree: Thank you. I’m glad we cleared this up. I know that it must have looked strange and I didn’t want you to think that I was cheating on my husband
Edie: But you sort of are
Bree: Excuse me?
Edie: Oh, come on Bree, you’re telling this guy your innermost thoughts…your hopes and dreams. Sex aside it sounds like you’re being pretty intimate with a guy who isn’t your husband.
Bree: Oh. Oh I mean, everybody needs someone to talk to
Edie: So whats wrong with talking to Rex?
[INT – Tilman House – Kitchen – Day]
( Mrs Tilman is in the kitchen baking and is calling Zach)
Young answer phone message: we’re not home please leave a message
Mrs Tilman (on the phone – she’s very smiley, but concerned): Hello, Zach? Its Felicia Timan. I do so enjoy our little visits and I haven’t seen you in a few days. I hope everything’s alright…
[INT – Young House – Kitchen – Day]
(We see Paul listening to Felicia leaving the message, and decides to pick up the phone)
Paul (on the phone): Zach’s not feeling well
[INT – Mrs Tilman’s House – Kitchen – Day]
Mrs Tilman (on the phone): (her voice immediately loses its cheerfulness when she hears Paul’s voice) oh. Paul.
[INT – Young House – Kitchen – Day]
Paul (on the phone): And I don’t think its appropriate that he spend so much time at your house.
(He hangs up on Mrs Tilman)
[INT – Young House – Zach’s Bedroom – Day]
(Paul enters his son’s room carrying a tray with two cups of cocoa on it)
Paul: I’ve made us some cocoa. How are you feeling?
Zach: I’ve felt awful for two days now. I think I should see a doctor
(Zach reaches for the nearest cup of cocoa. Paul takes his hand and puts it around the other cup)
Paul: Its probably just a touch of the flu. I’ll keep an eye on it. Its this house, Zach, I feel it too. It isn’t healthy for us to stay here
Zach: I told you. I’m not moving
Paul: It would be for your own good. You can’t keep running around doing the things your doing….Susan Mayer’s kitchen for example. People are going to catch on. Wouldn’t it be great to just start over? Somewhere in the country maybe. You can make some new friends, maybe even meet a new girl. How about I let you sleep on it?
(takes the mug of cocoa off the sleeping Zach)
Paul: We’ll talk about moving tomorrow.
[EXT – Shops – Day]
Mary Alice Voiceover: The lack of passion in her marriage had become an unpleasant reality for Lynette. Then one day it occure dto her, that the best way to fight reality was with a bit of fantasy. Of course all the fantasy in the world won’t do you anygood if nobody turns up to enjoy it.
[INT – Scavo House – Living Room – Night]
(Tom and his friend come home after a late night at work)
Tom’s Co-worker: I really feel bad about putting you out like this Tom.
Tom: You’re not putting anyone out. You’ve been flying all day. Why stay in some hotel? I just hope you don’t mind sleeping on the…
(both Tom and his friend stop and stare in shock at Lynette passed out in the maid’s outfit on the sofa)
Tom:….sofa
Tom’s Co-worker: yep, the sofa should fine
[INT – Scavo House – Kitchen – Day]
(Lynette is cleaning up the kitchen after feeding the hungry hoards)
Tom: oh hey honey, why don’t you just let the maid get that?
Lynette: oh , ha ha ha. Not funny Tom
Tom: By the way, Gary’s showering. He asked if you could just bring him a clean towel and yo’re riding crop
Lynette: Tom!
(Lynette kicks Tom on the butt as she walks behind him)
Tom: Oh, come on! (Laughs)
Lynette: No I’m glad that you find my humiliation so entertaining
Tom: Honey, you were wearing a French Maid’s costume! What were you thinking?
Lynette: I was thinking that our marriage was in trouble and one of us should do something to fix it
Tom: (this totally blindsides Tom) Wow! Since when is our marriage in trouble?
(Lynette looks over her shoulder at him)
Tom: Okay, so we haven’t had sex in a few days? Big deal, it happens
(car honks outside)
Lynette: That’s Annabel, how ironic
Tom: How is Annabel relevant to this conversation?
Lynette: Because she now comes to our house everyday to remind you of what I’m not.
Tom: What?!
Lynette: She’s the fantasy, tom, the hot woman that you work with everyday. With her manicured nails and designer outfits. I am the reality. The wife who never wears make-up and whose clothes smell like a hamper
Tom: This might be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said
Lynette: I used to be the fantasy. There was a time when I didn’t need a maid’s outfit because I knew I was enough for you, even wearing a smelly t-shirt. And clearly, that’s no longer the case
(she’s nearly in tears having to have this conversation with her husband)
Tom: Okay, honey, I don’t know what to say. If there’s some way I can fix this I will do it. Just tell me and I’ll do it
Lynette: No, theres nothing to fix. We’ve changed. That’s all I’m saying
(The car honks outside again and Gary comes downstairs dressed for work)
Gary: Are you ready?
(Tom looks back and fore between his wife and his workmate. He’s torn about whether he should leave or stay and comfort his wife)
Lynette: You should go. You don’t want to keep Annabel waiting
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom – Day]
(Carlos is soaking in the tub, which Gabrielle is pouring hot sauce into a bowl of Salsa)
Carlos: hey, be careful with that. you’ll give the baby heartburn
Gabrielle: I can’t get it hot enough. My hormones are killing my taste buds.
Carlos: you’ve been paying more attention to your food than me lately
Gabrielle: I plan on getting really fat as a tribute to your mother
[EXT – Solis House – Day]
(Gabrielle is outside pouring even more hot sauce into the salsa. We see John’s red truck pull up outside the house. Gabrielle sees him and tries to keep him away from the house)
Gabrielle: John! What are you doing?
John: I’ve been doing some serious thinking about the baby
Gabrielle: Really? Why?
John: Because there’s a good chance that its mine and if it is I want to do the right thing
Gabrielle: No, nobody expects you to do the right thing
John: Yeah, I kinda figured you might try and blow me off. That’s why I’m going direct to Mr Solis
Gabrielle: What? Are you crazy? He would kill us both!
John: He and I need to hash this out, man to man. Its whats best for the baby.
Gabrielle: John!
John: Well are you going to go get him or am I?
Gabrielle: (suddenly very calm) Alright. You win. Wait right here.
(Gabrielle makes John stay outside as she slowly enters the house and closes the front door behind her. she pauses for a second at the door to collect herself, she suddenly runs upstairs.)
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom - Day]
(Carlos is getting out of the tub, all covered in bubbles, when Gabrielle comes in)
Gabrielle: Don’t get out
Carlos: Why?
Gabrielle: Because…I was going to get in
(Carlos looks confused)
Gabrielle: (flirting) Yeah. You see pregnant women have very strong urges
Carlos: Alright
Gabrielle: I’m going to freshen up, and I’ll be right back
Carlos: Okay
Gabrielle: You sit. Sit!
(She runs into the bedroom)
Gabrielle: I’m turning on some music
(The music starts and Carlos sinks back into the tub, very happy look on his face)
[EXT – Solis House – Day]
(Gabrielle runs back down the stairs and sees John pacing on the front lawn. She goes outside and quickly locks the door before John can get into the house)
Gabrielle: Um, Carlos is unavailable at the moment
(John tries the door)
John: You’re lying
Gabrielle: John, what are you doing?
(John starts pounding on the door)
John: MR SOLIS! MR SOLIS! Open Up!
Gabrielle: Stop it
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom - Day]
(Shots of Carlos in the tub, the music is up loud enough that he can’t hear what is going on outside. He’s playing with a flannel)
[EXT – Solis House – Day]
(John is determined to get in the house though and isn’t put off. He goes over to the chairs on the deck and picks one up, ready to throw it through the window)
Gabrielle: What the hell are you????
John: Mrs Solis, get out of the way
Gabrielle: John! John, you…you can’t
(Gabrielle has been trying to stop him by putting herself between John and the window. But realising that isn’t going to stop him, she reaches for the nearest thing to throw at him…the salsa. She throws it in his face! It shocks John and he falls backwards over the edge of the porch and ends up flat on his back)
Gabrielle: (Screams) Oh my god!
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom - Day]
(Carlos is still in the tub, oblivious to all the screaming outside. He’s squirting water through his hands)
[EXT – Solis House – Day]
(Gabrielle checks that John is okay)
John: Oh god! It burns
Gabrielle: Its just salsa
John: Well it feels like acid
Gabrielle: Really? I’ve been finding it so bland
John: MR SOLIS! MR SOLIS! COME OUT HERE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!
Gabrielle: John! Stop! Shut the hell up! Listen to me, you are never going to be the father of this baby. No matter what the paternity tests say, it is Carlos’ child
John: How can you say that?
Gabrielle: Because Carlos can provide, John! He can give this baby everything. Piano lessons and summer camp…and the best colleges. He can raise this child the way it deserves to be raised, you can’t
John: This isn’t about money. This is about whats best for the baby.
Gabrielle: If you want whats best for the baby, you will help me. Help me make sure this baby doesn’t grow up poor like I did.
(We see Carlos come out of the house looking for Gabrielle)
Carlos: What is taking you????
(On hearing her husband, Gabrielle looks pleadingly at John not to say anything)
Carlos: Oh, hi John. What are you doing here?
Gabrielle: He, uh….
John: Justin was thinking the hydrangeas needed replacing, he wanted me to come by to get a second opinion
Carlos: Your friend, he’s a good kid, but he’s not half the gardener you were. You should come back and work for us. I mean you’re practically family
John: Thank you Mr Solis
(John looks at Gabrielle one last time and leaves)
[EXT – Mrs Tilman’s House – Day]
(Shots of Mrs Tilman sitting on her porch reading a book. She watches Paul Young come out of his house, get in his car and drive away. She goes over to the Young house. She ring the doorbell several times)
Mrs Tilman: Zach! Are you here?
(We see (from the inside) Mrs Tilman lifting up the garage door and entering the house. Once inside she sees all the boxes. She goes upstairs to Zach’s bedroom and finds him sprawled across his bed, face down. She rolls him over and checks if he’s breathing and his pulse. Next we see her searching the downstairs trying to find what Paul has been giving to his son. She finds a bottle of pills inside an oven glove in the kitchen)
[INT – Young House – Zach’s Bedroom – Day]
Mrs Tilman: I have to do this dear. I know you’ll forgive me
(She slaps Zach across the face, and he reacts in shock to the slap)
(Shots of Mrs Tilman and Zach leaving the house, with Mrs Tilman holding up Zach)
(Back inside we see a letter left on the sideboard that says “Paul, Zach is with me, Felicia”)
[INT – Scavo House – Living Room – Night]
(Lynette is sitting on the sofa, enjoying some quiet time and reading a magazine, when Tom comes home)
Tom: Hey
Lynette: Hey
Tom: Are the boys asleep?
Lynette: Tucked in tight
Tom: And Penny?
Lynette: Sound asleep
(Tom gets an egg timer out of his pocket, winds it up and places it on the arm of the sofa)
Tom: Okay, when this goes off, meet me in the bedroom
(He heads up the stairs)
Lynette: Tom, what is this?
Tom: Not until it goes off
[INT – Outside Tom and Lynette’s Bedroom – Night]
(The egg timer goes off)
Lynette: (Sceptically) Alright… I’m coming in
(enters the bedroom and looks around. She sees Tom in the bathroom posing wearing just a thong)
Lynette: (squeals in delight at what she’s seeing) Oh my god!
Tom: (in an English {I think} accent) You want fantasy? I can do fantasy (roars)
Tom: Come to me woman and prepare to be boarded
(Lynette is thrilled at the prospect!!)
Tom: Please will you make it fast, these things are just chafing
(Runs over to the bed and makes himself available to her)
Lynette: You know, I kinda like it
Tom: Great. Kill the lights
(Lynette goes to switch off the lights then stops)
Lynette: No
Tom: Please?
Lynette: No, I’m not turning off the lights
Tom: Please
Lynette: No. nononono
(Lynette straddles Tom and they kiss. She starts making playful noises at her husband)
[INT – Mrs Tilman’s House – Kitchen – Night]
(Mrs Tilman is having a cup of tea at the kitchen table when theres a knock at the door)
Mrs Tilman: Its open
(She turns to see who has entered)
Mrs Tilman: Oh, Paul its you. I’m so glad. I have some papers I want you to look at
Paul: Where is my son?
Mrs Tilman: Upstairs. Sleeping off those tranquillisers you gave him
Paul: I don’t know what you’re doing but I’m taking my son and going
(Turns to leave)
Mrs Tilman: (sternly) I am not my sister, Paul. You do not want to screw with me
(at this, Paul stops and turns back to Mrs Tilman)
Mrs Tilman: (back to her normal voice) Martha kept a journal.
(She starts to set out across the table a series of paper photocopies which have small writing all over them)
Mrs Tilman: Every drab event of her drab life meticulously recorded. Including her discovery that you and your wife stole a baby. A baby named Dana.
(Paul picks up the papers and reads them)
Mrs Tilman: I’m sorry if the copies are hard to read. I hid the originals in a safe place. It seemed like
