FEAR NO MORE
Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on Desperate Housewives….
[INT – Solis House – Day]
(Carlos and Gabrielle talking)
Carlos: I want a child
Gabrielle: We made a deal. No kids
(Shots of Carlos changing Gabrielle’s birth control pills)
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….tampering with prescriptions….
[INT – Underground Garage – Night]
(Shots of Mike meeting with the policeman to receive the file)
Sullivan: The file on Noah’s daughter
(Shots of Mike looking through the file and stopping at Paul Young’s name on the list of people who bought the toy chest)
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….Uncovering evidence….
[INT – Young House – Living Room – Night]
( Shots of Edie and Susan searching Paul’s house. We see the video which Susan just puts into play as they are shocked by a noise at the door)
Edie: What are we looking for exactly?
Susan: What was that?
(Shots of Susan jumping behind the sofa)
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….Breaking and entering….
[INT – Pharmacy – Day]
(Rex is challenging George in the pharmacy)
Rex: Bree is a lady, a very beautiful, classy lady. Remember they tend to end up with doctors, not pharmacists.
(George looks at him as if he wants to kill him. Then we see George throwing a bottle of pills in the bin)
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….And a whole lot of revenge.
End of Recap
[INT – Mayer House – Susan’s Bedroom – Night]
(Susan is writing in bed, she stops and looks at a photo of her and baby Julie on her bedside table)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Since she was a little girl, Susan Meyer wanted to be a mother in the worst way.
(we fade into a series of flashbacks)
[INT – Old Mayer House – Day]
(Susan, in an old house places baby Julie on the sofa carefully.)
Susan: you’re so cute, yeah.
(She goes to fetch a bottle from the other side of the room)
Mary Alice Voiceover: And from the first day she brought Julie home from the hospital she was.
(When she turns back, the baby is gone.)
Susan: Oh! Oh! How did you get down there? That’s not funny
(Susan picks up baby Julie from the floor)
[INT – Old Mayer House – Day]
(this is a different flashback – Susan is getting all the required baby stuff together to go out. She is incredibly flustered. She throws a towel over her shoulder, picks up her bag and leaves the house)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Despite her desire to do well by her daughter,
(baby Julie starts crying)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Susan suffered through countless failures.
(Susan hears the baby crying and comes back)
Susan: I am so sorry. How did I forget you?
(Susan picks up the baby and attempts to leave for the second time)
[EXT – Park – the Roundabout – Day]
(Susan is pushing young Julie on the roundabout and having a great time)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Of course it took Susan a few years to realise that even the best of parents make mistakes now and then.
(Susan looks down to brush dirt from her dungarees. When she looks up she realises that the roundabout is going around without her daughter being on it. she rushes round to where her daughter fell off to comfort her)
[INT – Mayer House – Susan’s Bedroom – Night]
(we return to the present and hears a strange noise outside)
Mary Alice Voiceover: But now that Julie was a teenage girl, Susan had started to realise…
(Susan gets up and goes to the window. As she looks out she sees Zach standing in her garden throwing pebbles at a window further down her house. She is not impressed with what she sees)
Mary Alice Voiceover: …there was no room for error.
[INT – Mayer House – Julie’s Bedroom – Night]
(Susan enters her daughter’s room to find her lying in bed with a pillow over her head, trying to ignore the noise at her window)
Susan: Julie, what is Zach doing out there? I thought I told you not to speak to him anymore?
Julie: I’m not! That’s why he’s throwing gravel at my window.
Susan: I’m going to handle this once and for all
(Susan goes over to Julie’s window)
[EXT – Mayer House – garden – Night]
(Zach picks up a handful of pebbles from the garden and throws them all up at Julie’s window, which is now open as Susan tells him off)
Susan: Zach! What do you think you are….Argh! argh! (screams as the rocks hit her in the face)
(Julie is shocked by her mother’s screams and goes to the window. Zach is standing sheepishly in the garden and gives her a little wave)
[INT – Mayer House – Living Room – Night]
(Susan is lying on the sofa as Julie puts drops in her eyes. Zach is pacing in the background trying to apologise for his actions)
Zach: Mrs Meyer, I’m so sorry its just well one pebble wasn’t working so I tried a whole handful.
Susan: Ow ow
Zach: Look I’ll make it up to you
Susan: (angry) How? Are you going to give me your corneas?
Julie: Mom, lay back
Zach: I just wanted to talk to Julie, she hasn’t been returning my phone calls
Julie: (fed up) Well I’m here now. What do you want?
Zach: C’mon Julie, I just want to see you again. You know, talk, hang out.
Julie: Maybe it would be better if we just cooled it for a while, okay?
(Susan is in the background trying to look in the mirror to see if there is any permanent damage done)
Zach: Why?
Susan: (sarcastically) Well you just threw rocks in her mother’s face. Hows that for a start?
(Zach gets disheartened and leaves with his head down low. Susan has made an eye wash and puts it to her eye and tips her head back)
Julie: Thank you so much. I have been trying to find a way to break up with him for weeks, you finally gave me an excuse
Mary Alice Voiceover: Yes, Susan had failed many times as a mother….
Julie: You did good, mom
Mary Alice Voiceover: ….So she took her victories where she found them
Susan: You’re welcome
Opening Credits
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Day]
(Over head and establishing shots of a sunny wisteria lane, birds are chirping in the background)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Spring comes every year to wisteria lane. It’s the time when flowers start to bloom. When butterflies emerge from their cocoons. When bees begin to search for nectar.
[EXT – Flower show – Day]
(George smells a beautiful pink orchid and looks over his shoulder where we see Bree and Rex)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Spring is also the time when a young man’s fancy turns to obsession.
(George goes over to Bree and Rex)
George: Hello there
Bree: (shocked to see him) Oh my heavenly days. Rex, look, its George.
George: Its great to see you Bree. Rex
Rex: George
George: (to Rex) So how’s your health?
Rex: Not good, and my cardiologist is an idiot
Bree: The doctor upped his dosage twice and its still not helping
(Rex is not amused that his wife it telling the man he hates about his health)
George: I’m sure it will all work itself out. You know, its funny running into you both. I happen to have extra tickets to a bonsai exposition in Mount Pleasant Friday night. Would you like to go?
Bree: (accepts straight away) I would love to. Rex?
Rex: A whole evening of bonsai trees… wouldn’t it be easier to just shoot me?
George: (straight faced) Probably
(George laughs, Bree joins in and touches George on his shoulder. George goes to put his hand over hers and is thrilled by her touch)
Bree: Well why don’t we just go by ourselves then?
Rex: Uh, actually Bree we have that thing Friday night
Bree: What thing? We don’t have a thing
George: Actually, I think what your husband is trying to say is that he doesn’t want you going out with me
Bree: Rex, are you still jealous?
Rex: No
Bree: It’s true that we dated during the separation, but george and I are just friends now, aren’t we?
George: Strictly platonic. But if you feel threatened…
Rex: I don’t feel threatened. (obviously lying)
Bree: Good, then it’s a date
(Bree links arms with both Rex and George and they walk away)
George: So are you going to make a purchase today?
Bree: Do you know, I’ve finally convinced Rex to buy his first orchid.
George: Make sure you study up. I hate people who own precious flowers and don’t know how to take proper care of them (obvious subtext going on here, that they’re really talking about Bree)
Rex: You know what I hate? Weeds. They just pop up out of no where and yo uhave to work so hard to get rid of them
George: I find that with the right chemicals you can get rid of anything. (to Bree) I’ll see you Friday
[INT – Car Shop – Day]
(Gabrielle is lovingly running her hand over a gorgeous blue convertible)
Sales Assistant: Mrs Solis, what a surprise. We haven’t seen you in here for quite some time
Gabrielle: Yes, yes I know. My husband and I went through a down sizing phase. But we’ve snapped out of it. Life is good. And this would make it so much better.
Sales Assistant: Excellent. Slip inside, see how that feels
(She opens the door and Gabrielle slips into the drivers side)
Gabrielle: Oh, I would love to have this in my driveway by Saturday. I’m having a big barbeque and I want everyone to see it.
Sales Assistant: How exciting, what’s the occasion?
Gabrielle: I’m throwing my husband a going away party
Sales Assistant: Really, where’s he going?
Gabrielle: (doesn’t want to say that he’s going to jail) Its… it’s a sort of… a government sponsored sabbatical
Sales Assistant: How long is he going to be gone?
Gabrielle: Eight months. (quietly to herself) Six with good behaviour
(The sales assistant hears the ‘six with good behaviour’ part and looks a bit confused Gabrielle smiles, but suddenly her face scrunches up – the smell of the car is making her nauseous)
Sales Assistant: Isn’t the leather interior wonderful
Gabrielle: It is. Its is. (she covers her nose trying to block the smel) Its just the smell is a little intense.
Sales Assistant: That’s because it was imported from Italy. Its made of 100% Italian calf.
(Gabrielle nods and tries to smile but ultimately ends up spilling her lunch in the passenger seat. The sales assistant looks disgusted)
[INT – Car shop – Day]
(Gabrielle is now out of the car and there is a team of cleaners in the car trying to remove the sick)
Gabrielle: I am so sorry, it just hit me out of nowhere. It is so weird, smells have been making me nauseous lately.
Sales Assistant: Ribs tender? achy back?
Gabrielle: Yeah, why has it been going around?
Sales Assistant: Only for centuries. I went through it all when I was carrying my eldest. The truth is, (looks at the car that Gabrielle was just sick in) you’re never going to fit a child safety seat in the back of that tiny spider anyway. The four doors are much roomier.
(She heads off to show Gabrielle the alternative cars. Gabrielle doesn’t follow her though)
Gabrielle: What? Wait? You think I’m pregnant? No I’m not pregnant.
Sales Assistant: Oh you just have all the symptoms. I just assumed.
Gabrielle: Well you assumed wrong
Sales Assistant: Well, I’m sorry.
Gabrielle: I’m on the pill for god’s sakes
Sales Assistant: Okay (highly uncomfortable)
Gabrielle: And another thing, I don’t want a four door. I want a sexy little convertible. And I want to buy one. Right now
Sales Assistant: I’ll go start the paperwork
Gabrielle: Well, not this one. Cos I vomited in this one
Sales Assistant: (acting as if she’s placating the ‘crazy’ lady she’s dealing with) We’ll find you a fresh one.
(Gabrielle smiles as the sales assistant walks off, but starts to look worried as the thought she could be pregnant goes around her head)
[INT –Peterson’s - Tom’s Office – Day]
(Lynette walks into the office carrying a file. She is all smiles and nods hi to the receptionist.)
Tom: Lynette!
Lynette: (sees Tom working with a woman, whose back is turned to her) You forgot your Helprin file
(The woman turns around and Lynette is in total shock as she recognises her)
Annabel: Oh my god, Lynette
Mary Alice Voiceover: If there was one person Lynette never expected to see again, it was Annabel Foster. (Annabel smiles at Lynette who looks as if she’s about to faint from shock)
[INT – Peterson’s – Evelator – Day]
(The elevator pings and the doors of the elevator open to show us a couple making out, its Tom and Annabel. They stock when they realise that the doors are open, not wanting anyone to see)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Eight years earlier, Annabel had begged tom to marry her, but he told her he wasn’t the marrying kind.
(The elevator doors ping again and we see Annabel and Tom talking intimately in the elevator with their heads touching, they are obviously in a relationship and don’t care who sees them)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Then one-day tom happened to meet a rising young executive by the name of Lynette Linquist.
(Lynette enters the elevator, she’s wearing a suit, not like the Lynette we know now. Annabel gives Tom a last kiss and leaves the elevator. Tom and Lynette glance at each other. The doors shut)
Mary Alice Voiceover: And after a few torrid weeks, tom decided perhaps he was the marrying kind after all.
(The elevator doors ping again and we see Tom and Lynette making out even more heatedly than he was with Annabel in the previous scene. Tom only stops kissing Lynette to close the doors, and they get back to kissing again)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Causing an embittered Annabel to move back to Chicago permanently.
(The elevator doors ping again and open to an empty elevator. Annabel gets into the elevator alone, carrying a box of items from her cleared out desk. She looks MAD!)
[INT – Peterson’s – Tom’s Office – Day]
(We flash back to the present)
Mary Alice Voiceover: Or so Lynette had hoped.
(Lynette is still standing there shell shocked as Annabel comes over to her and gives her a hug)
Annabel: You look fantastic
Lynette: Oh thank you. And you. You’re here. In the office. Tom’s office
Annabel: Yeah, going on three months now. Didn’t Tom tell you? (she almost seems to be taunting her here)
Lynette: It uh, must have slipped his mind
(Both turn to look at Tom)
Tom: Huh?
Annabel: Aaah, afraid to tell the wife you’re working with the ex eh? I guess that makes me your dirty little secret (she’s teasing him)
(Tom laughs with Annabel at this. Lynette can’t believe what she’s seeing. And when he looks at Lynette, he knows he’s stuffed up and is in for it when he gets home)
Lynette: Well I’ll let you get back to work. I’ll see you later
Tom: Can’t wait
Lynette: I almost forgot, your file. Here.
(Lynette literally throws the file at Tom’s head)
Tom: Wow
(Nervous laughter by both Tom and Annabel)
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Britt Building Site – Day]
(Edie is looking over some blueprints for her new house, with builders and Mike working in the background. Paul approaches her)
Edie: Hey Paul, what’s up?
Paul: Something’s been nagging at me Edie, and I wanted to talk to you about it
Edie: Okay
(Mike is watching closely the conversation between these two)
Paul: That night I found you in my house, why were you really there?
Edie: You know why, I came to drop off your key
(Mike is faking work as he eavesdrops)
Paul: Some things were moved around in my living room. What were you looking for?
Edie: (acts confused) What are you talking about?
Paul: Do I have to call the police?
Edie: (her face hardens) Do whatever you want
Paul: Suit yourself
(Paul walks off, but Edie worries about what to do, she doesn’t want to get arrested, so she calls him back)
Edie: Okay, okay. Susan made me do it.
(Mike stops faking when he hears Susan’s name mentioned)
Edie: (0nce she starts she can’t stop) She has this fixation on why Mary Alice killed herself and she keeps blathering on about blackmail notes and dead babies. Oh, and she got really hot and bothered when she found the name Angela written on one of your videotapes.
Paul: Did she find what she was looking for?
Edie: No, you came home before she had a chance to watch the video
Paul: I see
Edie: She sort of thinks you’re evil
Paul: Thank you, Edie
(Paul leaves and Mike comes up to Edie to try and find out what was happening)
Mike: What was that all about?
Edie: Susan Meyer’s obsession with Mary Alice nearly got me arrested. And now Paul’s after her. If I liked her better I’d warn her. But, you know…
[INT – Coffee Shop – Day]
(Susan is collecting her coffee)
Susan: (to the woman who hands her the coffee) Thanks
(She sees Mike approaching outside. She gets flustered and tries to avoid him by sitting down with a group of women, whose conversation stops when she sits down. They all look at her, wondering whats going on)
Mike: Susan?
(Susan knows she’s caught, but still tries to fake her way out of the situation)
Susan: I’ll talk to you girls later
Mike: Still avoiding me, huh?
Susan: No, no. What do you want?
Mike: I heard that you and Edie broke into Paul Young’s house
Susan: Who told you that?
Mike: Edie
(Susan knows she’s been caught out)
Susan: Well, yeah, we did. We were just looking…. It doesn’t matter, it was dumb.
Mike: Listen, I want you to stay away from that guy
Susan: Well I was planning on doing that anyway
Mike: Good (he turns to leave but Susan stops him)
Susan: Mike, I know why I was planning to stay away from him, but why do you want me to stay away from him
Mike: I just know he’s a bad guy. So please don’t mess with him
Susan: I won’t (he looks at her, like ‘Yeah right’). I promise.
[INT – Van Der Kamp House – Kitchen/ Dining Room – Day]
(Bree is making up a flower arrangement when Rex approaches her)
Rex: So, I’ve been thinking about the pharmacist.
Bree: George. What about him?
Rex: I don’t think you should go out with him
Bree: Please don’t be this way. He’s the only friend I have who is interested in cultural things
Rex: Bree! I’m worried because he is obviously still in love with you
Bree: No. He just wants to be friends. He told me so
Rex: What else would a man in love say? He’s desperate to spend time with you
Bree: He does not seem desperate to me
Rex: I saw the way his hands trembled when you touched his shoulder
Bree: They did? (she’s thrilled by this news)
Rex: When we first started dating the same thing happened to me
Bree: I don’t remember that (she’s pleased at his confession)
Rex: Listen, continuing to see him would just give him false hope
Bree: Well I certainly don’t want to hurt him…again
Rex: No, you don’t. I even think it would be a good idea to switch pharmacies.
Bree: Really? (pauses what shes doing) Well okay. You know what I’m going to miss most about him? George always has a way of making me feel good about myself
Rex: Yeah, he’s a terrific guy
(Bree walks away with the new flowers and smiles as she turns to ask Rex…)
Bree: Honey, do your hands still tremble when they touch me?
Rex: No! (don’t be silly) But, come on, we’ve been married 18 years
Bree: Yes we have (Bree sighs at the answer her husband gave her). And you still don’t know when I need you to lie
(Bree leaves, and Rex feels bad. Rex shakes out more of his pills, to take one)
[INT – Pharmacy – Day]
(Gabrielle searches through the aisles to find a pregnancy test, she’s really on edge)
Gabrielle: Excuse me. This home pregnancy test…is it a good one?
Ginger: (not really interested) I guess
Gabrielle: Okay, do you have a rest room?
Ginger: Its for employees only
(George overhears the conversation and knowing that Gabrielle is a friend of Bree’s is very accommodating)
George: Its right over there, Mrs Solis. Help yourself.
Gabrielle: Thank you.
George: (in a nasty voice to Ginger) What did I tell you about being rude to customers? You’ll stick a smile on your face or I’ll keep you in back stocking shelves where no one has to look at you.
(Bree enters, looking for George)
George: (all smiles again after berating Ginger) Bree, what are you doing here? Didn’t we just fill Dr Van Der Kamp’s prescription last week?
Bree: George, as it turns out I won’t be able to go with you to the bonsai exppo.
George: Why not?
Bree: I think it would be a mistake for us to spend too much time together
George: Dr Van Der Kamp said something about me. What was it?
Bree: It doesn’t matter
George: Please, tell me.
Bree: He said you’re still in love with me
George: That…that’s stupid. I’m not in love with you. I’m not. The truth is, I’m in love with Ginger. (all said without a hint of feeling)
Bree: Ginger? The stock girl?
George: Yes, its very serious
(They both look towards Ginger, who stands there looking awkward and uncomfortable)
Bree: (she’s very excited by this news and doesn’t click that he’s lying) Why didn’t you tell me?
George: Well, we’re taking it slow. But she is definitely the one
Bree: Oh my goodness, well this changes everything. A friend of mine is having a barbeque for her husband on Saturday and I think you should come
George: Really?
Bree: Yes. And bring Ginger
George: Ginger? I don’t think she can make it
Bree: Well you have to bring ginger, because if Rex sees the two of you together, then he’ll relax
Gabrielle (off screen): SON OF A BITCH!!!
(Bree and George turn in shock to see Gabrielle storm out of the toilet.)
Gabrielle: You are out of toilet paper. (to Bree) Bree I’ll call you later
(Everyone in the store watches as hurricane Gabrielle blazes through)
[INT – Scavo House – Living Room – Night]
(Tom comes home from work, calls out for his wife)
Tom: Lynette? Honey, are you home?
Lynette: (from behind him, by the windows) Three months?
Tom: God, you…scared the hell out of me.
Lynette: Were you ever going to tell me?
Tom: I wanted to, but I kept putting it off. I knew how you’d react
Lynette: Congratulations. You read me like a book. Why would you hire that woman?
Tom: Technically Peterson found her. I just vouched for her.
Lynette: Tom!
Tom: Come on honey, I’m just helping her out. It’s the least I can do, look she was devastated when I left her for you. I felt bad.
Lynette: Do you still have feelings for her?
Tom: (puts his hands up) Alright, I’m not talking to you
(He leaves to go upstairs)
Lynette: C’mon, you can tell me. You still care about her don’t you, just a teeny tiny little bit?
Tom: I was just trying to be a good guy. That’s all
Lynette: Well, you can’t work with her
Tom: What do you want me to do? Quit?
Lynette: Talk to Peterson, maybe he can get her transferred. Weren’t you guys talking about setting something up in Belize?
Tom: You’re crazy
Lynette: No I’m serious. If she stays, I will haunt your office. I will bring you lunch everyday. I will bring the kids to visit. I will change diapers on your desk. Every birthday cake in the break room, every retirement party, I will be there. Watching her
Tom: Well I’d better get you a parking space. She’s staying.
(Lynette stares after him. She can’t believe what Tom just said)
[INT – Mayer House – Kitchen – Day]
(Sophie is hammering hanging beads over the doorway.)
Sophie: Don’t you think it spices up the room?
(Susan doesn’t look convinced. The doorbell goes before she has to answer her mother)
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Outside Mayer House – Day]
(Zach is delivering a pot plant to apologise for the other night)
Zach: Oh, I was just leaving you a gift. To apologise for, you know, throwing gravel in your face
Susan: (she picks up the plan) You didn’t have to do that
Zach: no, I kind of did. You see I want us to be friends
Susan: Yeah well, that’s not going to happen
Zach: Why not?
Susan: Aside from you nearly blinding me? Several weeks ago you freaked out in my house: you screamed, you threw furniture around
Zach: Okay, look I realise I was out of line that night. But I was upset. And we have to get over that, for Julie’s sake
Susan: (doesn’t quite understand) For Julie’s sake?
Zach: How do you think it makes her feel that her mother and her boyfriend can’t even get along
Susan: (she says this quietly, to try and say what she has to without upsetting Zach) Zach, Julie does not think of you as her boyfriend. In fact I don’t think she wants anything to do with you
Zach: She said that?
Susan: Yeah
Zach: I don’t believe you
Susan: (gives him back the plant) Believe whatever you want
(Susan turns to go back into her house. Zach is angry and goes to follow her)
Zach: Well if she said that, its because you tell her stuff about me that’s not true.
Paul (from across the street): Zach! Come here
(Mrs Tilman is watering plants outside and watches all the commotion)
Paul: Right now!
Zach: Please. Don’t ruin this for me
(Mrs Tilman watches Zach walk back across the street utterly dejected and we fade into a flashback)
[INT – Mrs Tilman’s House – Day - Past]
(Mrs Tilman is pouring tea for her and her sister. Mrs Huber is looking at photographs on her table)
Mrs Huber: (off screen) How do you know Mary Alice?
Mrs Tilman: Who?
Mrs Huber: Mary Alice Young. She lives next door to me in Fairview. She’s standing right here in this picture with you (shows her sister the picture)
Mrs Tilman: That’s Angela Forrest, we worked together at the rehab centre fifteen years ago
Mrs Huber: Don’t be dense Felicia. Don’t you think I even know my own neighbour?
Mrs Tilman: (confused, but wonders…) Does this Mary Alice have children?
Mrs Huber: A teenager. A boy
(Mrs Huber sits down opposite her sister, and when she sees the look on Mrs Tilman’s face, she pries for all the gossip)
Mrs Huber: What?
Mrs Tilman: Angela and I worked together with a very disturbed young woman who gave birth to a baby boy. About a year later Angela and her husband disappeared. (Mrs Huber is hooked to the story) Not long after that, I heard that the child was missing too. People said that it was just a coincidence, but in my heart I always hoped that she had given the child a proper home.
Mrs Huber: Are you saying she stole the baby?
Mrs Tilman: Don’t look shocked, Martha, it makes your face look fat (now we know why Mrs Huber acts as she does with a relationship with her sister like this)
Mrs Tilman: The biological mother was a drug addict! If Angela really is your neighbour, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky
(fade back to present)
[EXT - Wisteria Lane – Mrs Tilman’s House – Day]
(Tilman continues to watch Zach walk back across the street to his father)
[INT – Peterson’s – Break Room – Day]
(Annabel pours herself a cup of tea.)
Annabel: Lynette, hey.
(Lynette is all dolled up in a dress, her hair done, make-up etc)
Annabel: If you’re looking for Tom, he’s out with a client
Lynette: No, I wanted to see you
Annabel: You know that’s really funny. I was thinking the same thing. We should go out for lunch, the two of us
Lynette: (sarcastic) Yeah, I’ll check my book. So Annabel, do you have feelings for Tom?
Annabel: (taken aback) What?
Lynette: You heard me
Annabel: Alright, you want to talk about this Lynette, lets talk. Yes, Tom and I were in love. But he married you. I’m not looking to break up a happy couple. Anyway that’s more your speed isn’t it? (she really isn’t over the way she and Tom broke up)
Worker: Oblivious to the tension in the room as the two ladies stare at each other) Morning ladies, just coming in for a little more fuel. One man’s sludge is another man’s liquid gold. Well back to the trenches.
Lynette: Watch your step. Tom and I are a team. Our marriage is rock solid. Nothing you ever do will break us up
Annabel: Then why are you down here warning me?
[EXT – Church – Day]
Reverend: Gabrielle! What brings you down here?
(Gabrielle looks sheepish)
Reverend: Oh sweet mother of god, what have you done this time?
(They walk, outside the church)
Reverend: You’re pregnant?
Gabrielle: Yes. And its impossible, I’m on the pill… which you probably think is a sin, but it works. It’s a 99.9% effective sin.
Reverend: Maybe its in that one tenth of a percent that god resides
Gabrielle: You couldn’t wait to throw that in could you? Look, god is screwing with me! He doesn’t like the way I live my life, so he’s punishing me
Reverend: Have you done something that would warrant being punished?
(Gabrielle gives the reverend a looks that comes across as ‘yeah, the same old stuff’)
Reverend: The gardener? I thought that was over?
Gabrielle: No, it was….You just had to be there. But, my point is, that I’d be an awful mother. I’m selfish and I’m self-centred. And the only person more self-centred than me is Carlos! I mean, he’s so self-centred that he doesn’t even know how self centred I am! We’d be terrible parents!
Reverend: Gabrielle, I’d like to help, but I’m not sure what you want
Gabrielle: I want to know who to be angry at
Reverend: Here’s a thought…don’t be angry. Be thankful. Children are a gift, are they not?
(Gabrielle throws him a look of, yeah right!!!)
Gabrielle: I don’t have time for this crap. I have a party to plan
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Britt Building Site – Day]
(Edie is talking with tow of her workmen)
Edie (to workmen as they leave): Thanks
Lynette: Edie, hi
Edie: Hi
Lynette: Wow, things are really coming along
Edie: Yeah, slowly and expensively
Lynette: It’ll be worth it. You’re doing an amazing job.
(Lynette runs out of small talk and cuts to the chase)
Lynette: Look, you’re basically a predator and I need your advice.
(Edie looks intrigued)
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Britt Building Site – Day]
(Lynette and Edie are sitting down having a heart to heart about Lynette’s problems)
Lynette: And I know Tom loves me, but I don’t trust this woman. I think there’s an agenda there. I don’t know, maybe I’m being paranoid
Edie: No, no. You did the right thing by coming to me. There are two ways to approach this. Well first I have to ask, what kind of shape is this woman in?
Lynette: Fantastic shape. She’s gorgeous
Edie: Okay, now there’s really only one way to approach this. You’re going to have to act fast
Lynette: I’m listening
Edie: Well its really pretty simple. When I feel threatened by a woman, I pull her in. I make her my best friend
Lynette: I thought you said you didn’t have any female friends?
Edie: Well I don’t. And I’ve never felt threatened by another woman either. The point is, keep your friends close…
Lynette:…and your enemies closer.
[INT – Scavo House – Living Room – Day]
(Tom is sitting on the sofa playing with the baby and looking really happy. Lynette comes home after her conversation with Edie)
Lynette: Tom, we’re having a dinner party. I’m thinking of inviting Annabel (she nods. Glad she’s decided how she is going to deal with the Annabel problem)
(He looks after, totally shocked)
[INT – Young House – Bathroom – Day]
(Zach splashes water on his face as he argues with his dad)
Zach: We’re not moving!
Paul: Susan knows something. Edie said…
Zach: I don’t care what Edie Britt said! I’m not leaving Julie
Paul: You want to risk our lives, our future, over some school yard crush?
Zach: Its more than that, Julie loves me
Paul: Then why does she refuse to see you?
Zach: Mrs Mayer lies to her. if it wasn’t for that she would be with me
Paul: Are you sure? You know Julie’s a very special girl
Zach: I know
Paul: And she could have just about any boy she wanted. I think you’re a wonderful kid, I really do, but you’re not that special Zach. Not really
Zach: She kissed me
Paul: Lately?
(Zach looks down, knowing his argument for staying is falling apart)
Paul: Lets just pack our bags and get out of here. We can leave this whole mess behind, we can start over. And there will be other girls, I promise
Zach: No.
Paul: (Grabs Zach by the arm, forcing him to stay and listen to him) If Susan goes to the police they will take me away, they will take you away. Don’t you get that?
Zach: If Julie doesn’t love me anymore, it doesn’t matter. (Paul lets go of him) None of it matters
[INT – Scavo House – Kitchen – Night]
(Laughter and familiar conversation – we’re at the end of Lynette’s dinner party)
Annabel: McGruger had no idea what was going on. During the entire ship for the phaser campaign he was practically holding Benson’s hand
Tom: After the way that Bernam screwed him over I’d be nervous too.
Annabel: That was awful
(Annabel reaches out for Tom’s hand. We see Lynette over their joined hands – she does not look impressed by what is going on)
Lynette: ‘Scuse me. I need to get in here so I can clear the plates
Tom: You want some help with that?
Lynette: I’m good. (she picks up the plates, and as she turns she sees the boys watching them) Looks like we’ve got some company
(Shot of the three boys sitting on the stairs in their pyjamas, watching their parents)
Tom: Hey guys isn’t it time for bed?
Lynette: They never get to see you, let them stay up for a while
Tom: Okay. C’mere. C’mere I want you to meet someone. This is Miss Foster.
Annabel: Hi
Lynette: She is an old, OLD friend of your daddy’s
Annabel: what have you got there?
Porter (I can never get the boy’s names straight): it’s a picture we painted.
Annabel: Let me have a look at that
Porter: It’s a picture of all of us with mommy and daddy, we’re really happy (this sounds very rehearsed)
Annabel: That is so adorable. When did you do that?
Porter: Today, mommy told us to
Lynette (Nervous laughter): I just told them to paint something nice, the sentiment is all theirs
Porter: But you told us too-
Lynette: Hold on honey, grown ups are talking
Annabel: Well this is really neat. How would you guys like to paint my portrait some day?
Porter: Sure, you’re really pretty.
Lynette (Isn’t amused by this, and realises this isn’t working): Okay, great. Like your dad said, its time for bed
(Tom playfully chases the boys upstairs)
Annabel: I must say Lynette, your home is warm and inviting, your children are absolutely precious. This whole evening was practically a commercial for the perfect family.
Lynette: You think?
Annabel: You couldn’t have planned it any better. And I mean that. (looks very smug)
Lynette: Good.
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Outside Mayer House – Night]
(Its pitch black, and Susan is putting rubbish in the bin. As she puts the lid down we see Paul just standing there very close to Susan, silently watching her.)
Susan: Uh! (she’s startled)
Paul: Hello Susan
Susan: Paul, hi
(Susan looks around, desperately searching for someone, so that she won’t be alone with the man who scares her.)
Paul: I understand you and Edie went snooping through my house.
Susan: Huh? (acts dumb)
Paul: Its okay, I’m not mad. So what do you want to know about Angela?
[INT – Young House – Living Room – Night]
(Susan is sitting at the table, as Paul brings over two cups of coffee)
Paul: Angela was Mary Alice’s birth name, she was named after her aunt Angela. When she was a teenager they had a falling out, so she changed her name to Mary Alice. This was before we were married, so sorry if I’m hazy on the details.
Susan: That’s it? That’s the explanation? (not quite believing what she’s hearing)
Paul: Ridiculously simple, isn’t it?
Susan: She changed her name because of her aunt? That just doesn’t seem like something Mary Alice would do.
Paul: Neither does suicide, but we both know she did it. So can we finally put this behind us, or do you need to break into my home for anything else?
Susan: No. I’m good, thanks.
(gets up to leave)
Susan: Although if you wouldn’t mind I’d really like to see that video tape I found, the one marked ‘Angela’. It’d be nice to see Mary Alice when she was young.
Paul: I’m afraid that box of tapes was thrown out with the trash.
Susan: (knows she’s caught him out) Alright then
Paul: Susan, I’m serious when I say I hope you’ll leave my family alone now. This endless suspicion of yours is becoming very tiring.
Susan: I couldn’t agree more
(Paul closes the door behind Susan, not sure whether he’s done more harm than good)
[INT – Scavo House – Living Room – Night]
(The Scavos and Annabel are having coffee after dinner, when a cell phone starts ringing)
Annabel: That’s my cell, sorry. Oh god, its Peterson
Tom: Peterson?
(Annabel leaves the room to take the call in private)
Tom (to Lynette): So that was quite a show you put on tonight.
Lynette: Show?
Tom: The boys’ paintings, all those references to how ‘happy’ we are
Lynette: What’s wrong with subtly reminding Annabel that you’re happily married?
Tom: Because it wasn’t subtle. And it was insulting to me
Lynette: I did not mean it that way
Tom: Are you so insecure that you have to pull that crap?
Lynette: Keep your voice down!
Tom: It doesn’t matter if she has feelings for me, as long as I am not interested. Have I ever given you any reason to doubt me?
Lynette: Anyone is capable of anything. The first time we ever met, you were cheating!
Tom: With you! Cheating with YOU!
Lynette: It’s a pattern of behaviour
Tom: Argh! Give me a break!
Lynette: well, what am I supposed to do? You hire your old girlfriend and you don’t tell me for three months?
Tom: I could have told you from day one and you would still be jumping down my throat.
(Lynette goes to defend her actions)
Tom: No, Annabel is ancient history
Lynette: She’s in the next room
Tom: How long do we have to be married Lynette? How long until you actually trust me?
Lynette: I trust you
Tom: How many times have you said to me that if you so much as touch another woman I will take the boys and I will walk out of here and you will never see us again
Lynette: (in a ‘don’t be silly’ voice) Well that’s just something that wives say to their husbands
Tom: Not all wives. God Lynette, you’re just so convinced that I’m going to be unfaithful, it makes me sick. The distrust, the paranoia….it seems that you’re not going to be happy until you drive me out of this marriage just to prove yourself right!
(Lynette looks shocked and Tom realises what he said)
Tom: Wait, forget I said that
Lynette: Its too late. You said it
Tom: Well then just consider it something that husbands say to their wives
(The two of them just stand there as Annabel returns from her telephone conversation)
Annabel: Well Peterson’s on cloud nine, he discovered some inside scoop on the metro account. The bad news is, we’re going to have to redo the entire presentation.
Tom: Tonight?
Annabel: We need it first thing in the morning. Peterson says we might be pulling an all-nighter.
Tom: I can’t drive, I’ve been drinking
Annabel: I’ll drive. C’mon
Tom: Thanks
Annabel: Don’t worry Lynette, I’ll deliver him back to you as soon as I can
Lynette: Please do (but she doesn’t look as if she’s quite convinced this is what she wants)
(Tom and Annabel leave)
[EXT – Solis Garden – Day]
(Party noise – the garden is very bright & colourful and the barbeque is in full swing)
Carlos: Honey, take over for a minute, I just want to make a speech. Make sure they stay pink like that
(Gabrielle takes over flipping burgers at the grill. The smell is making her nauseous again and she covers her nose)
Susan: Are you okay?
Gabrielle: Yeah, I just didn’t realise how disgusting meat could be
Carlos: Everyone, I just wanted to say that it means a lot to me that everyone came. As you all know, in a few days I’ll be taking a little government sponsored vacation. Luckily for me, breakfast is included.
Julie: (Julie sees Paul and Zach entering the party) Oh god
(The two families see each other and smile awkwardly)
Carlos: The bottom line is...I’m going away to jail. And when a man goes away to jail, which I hope none of you here will ever have to do, he sees who his friends really are. So thanks
Crowd: Cheers. here here. (Everyone raises their glasses to the toast)
(Gabrielle feels sick again, covers her mouth and runs away from the BBQ. She runs past Sophie, grabbing the bottle of champagne she was holding and into the house)
Sophie: Excuse you
(George and Ginger enter the party)
(George is being really mean to Ginger)
George: Stay put until I need you. Don’t talk to anybody and for gods sake don’t get drunk
Ginger: You know, I was meant to go to my cousin’s wedding today
George: It’s not a wedding, it’s a commitment ceremony. Now sit down and …..try to fit in
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom – Day]
(Gabrielle in the bathroom upstairs. She pushes closed the window and switches on the extractor fan. She is feeling really sick and leans over the sick)
[EXT – Solis House – Party – Day]
(Zach doesn’t seem to have heard anything that Julie or Susan has been telling him at this point. he’s still acting like he and Julie are going out)
Zach: I brought you a hot dog.
Julie: No thanks, I’m full
Zach: There’s a croquet set, you want to go hit some balls?
(makes a motion of hitting a croquet ball and a clucking noise)
Julie: No
Zach: That’s fine. We can just sit here
Julie: (finally gets mad at her stalker) Zach, I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want to hang out with you. I just want you to leave me alone. Okay?
Zach: Okay
[INT – Solis House – Bathroom – Day]
(Gabrielle pours herself a drink from the bottle she brought with her. Looks at it, dying to drink it, but resigned to her fate pours it into the sink. She takes her birth control pills out of a drawer and looks at them, she’s mad at them for not working and starts banging at them with her hand. As she does this, the back of the pill packed starts to come off all in one piece. She sees this and picks them up for a closer inspection. She figures out that it means that somebody had been messing with her pills)
Mary Alice Voiceover: In that moment, while looking at the pills that had so obviously been tampered with, Gabrielle’s nausea was suddenly replaced by an even stronger sensation. Rage.
[EXT – Solis House – Garden – Day]
(Zach pours himself a glass of punch and watches Julie talking with some friends and hugging hello to a male friend. He looks sad)
(George is walking around the party looking for Bree. They spot each other. Bree is glad that George came and George’s face lights up at seeing her)
(Rex sees George and grabs his arm, stopping him. George’s drink splashes across Rex’s t-shirt)
Rex: What are you doing?
George: I’m so sorry, that was an accident.
Rex: Answer my question. What are you doing here?
George: I was invited
Rex: By who?
George: You know what Dr Van Der Kamp, I don’t believe I have to answer to you
Rex: See, I think you do
(Bree approaches them, sees the drink on Rex’s shirt and seeks an explanation)
Bree: What is going on here?
Rex: He crashed the party. This guy is clearly not taking no for an answer
Bree: Its okay. George has a girlfriend. You brought her didn’t you
Rex: You do not have a girlfriend.
George: I do so, she’s right over there
(he points to Ginger, who is standing at the buffet table, stuffing her face and looking completely out of place. She waves nervously at the people looking at her)
Rex: (disbelieving) That’s his girlfriend?!
Bree: See? You were worried for nothing
George: So anytime you want to apologise…
Bree: Come on Rex, you owe George some sort of a gesture
(Bree is talking to George, apologising for Rex’s behaviour)
(Rex can’t believe what he’s hearing and that Bree is falling for what George tells her. he starts to walk away but turns back)
Rex: What the hell…
(Rex pushes George backwards. George stumbles and grabs hold of Bree to steady himself. They both tumble into the pool behind them)
(Shots of Ginger laughing, and everyone at the party looking to see what all the commotion is. Rex looks pretty amused by it all too)
(Bree and George surface in the pool)
Bree: Rex, have you lost your mind?
Rex: To be fair, I only pushed him
(Cut to Gabrielle rushing out of the house. She marches up to Carlos, waving the tampered with pills in his face)
Gabrielle: Carlos, you son of a bitch! I am pregnant and its all your fault!
(Gabrielle slaps him across the face. Carlos looks incredibly shocked at first. But once she leaves he smiles and takes a sip of his margarita)
Edie: wow, this is turning into one helluva party
[EXT – Wisteria Lane – Outside Solis House – Day]
(Gabrielle is sitting outside looking worried. Susan come out of the party to check on her friend)
Susan: Are you okay?
Gabrielle: I think I can honestly say, no I’m not.
Susan: I’m so sorry
Gabrielle: Thanks
Susan: But you know what they say about kids…’that you can’t imagine having them until you do and then you can’t imagine life without them’. Its true.
(Susan gets up to comfort her friend)
Susan: All I’m saying is that maybe this is a blessing in disguise.
Gabrielle: I don’t know who the father is
Susan: What?
Gabrielle: Yeah
Susan: So you mean you and John have still been?
Gabrielle: Yeah
Susan: Gabby!
Gabrielle: No, I know Susan. I don’t know what I’m going to do
(Susan’s house explodes, with flames shooting out from the kitchen window)
Susan: OH MY GOD. Oh my god, that’s my house!
Gabrielle: I’ll call 911
Susan(in hysterics): Yes! That’s my house!
(Susan runs across the street towards her house. She can’t believe what she’s seeing)
Susan: Oh oh oh, my look! my kitchen! Oh, it’s a big fire!
[INT – Mayer House – Burned Out Kitchen – Day]
(The three generations of women living in the house come into the kitchen and are shocked by the destruction in the kitchen)
Fireman: It turns out someone left the gas on with a candle burning
Susan: That’s not possible, we don’t burn candles during the day
Sophie: Well I did have a French vanilla candle burning earlier. But I’m almost positive I blew it out
(Susan looks at her condemningly)
Fireman: You’re almost positive?
(Sophie thinks hard about whether or not she blew the candle out. And mimes blowing out a candle)
Sophie: Yes! Yes I did. I think
Fireman: Look you’re lucky the fire was contained. The damage could have been far more extensive.
(Susan looks away from the Fireman and surveys the damage. She looks out the window. She sees Paul standing on his porch across the street staring at their house. He catches her eye and goes inside)
Fireman: You’ve got to be more careful
(Susan looks really scared as she thinks that Paul set the ‘bomb’ in her house)
Susan: (turns to the fireman) Don’t worry, we will be.
[INT – Pharmacy- Day]
(George is sorting through the medication when he turns and sees Bree approaching him)
George: Bree, Hi.
Bree: Hi. You left the party so quickly I didn’t have the chance to apologise to you for what Rex did. Oh George, I’m so sorry he humiliated you in front of all those people. I don’t know what got into him
George: Isn’t it obvious. He hates me
Bree: No, he doesn’t hate you. He hardly knows you, and you don’t even really know him
George: Well I know this much, he’s not going to let us be friends
Bree: Well that’s not his choice to make
George: What if he asks you not to see me anymore? What if he orders you not to?
Bree: Well I decide who I need in my life, and I’ve decided that I need you. And that’s all there is to it.
George: He could make it awfully difficult for you to spend time with me
Bree (conspiratorially):Well who says he has to know how I spend my free time?
[INT – Mayer House – Susan’s drawing board – Day]
(Susan is sitting at her easel, not drawing but thinking. She reaches for the yellow pages and flicks through it until she reaches private investigators. She stops at Hafts Detective Agency. She makes up her mind, rips the page out of the book and leaves the house.)
[INT - Hafts Detective Agency – Day] &
